Hit Parade

FUN IN THE FOURTH ESTATE: Let's simplify the world of media relations: "Make the media happy." Whether it be free pens, free T-shirts or free chili dogs, this golden rule remains. In our hamfisted attempt at constructive criticism, we note that the St. Louis Swarm are on top of things, clear-cutting many trees to make sure that the RFT has weekly updates on the still-emerging squad. The diligence is appreciated and will pay dividends soon. (And an XL T-shirt would work wonders to that end!) The River City Rascals' front office, meanwhile, with a season rapidly upon them, does not return calls and acts, shall we say, a touch snippish when queried by phone for basic info. (On the other hand, direct calls to the principals involved prove quite effective, thus bypassing the source of friction.) The end result of this unscientific poll: THE SWARM ARE THE BEST TEAM! GIVE THEM YOUR MONEY! CRACK OPEN THAT CHECKBOOK TODAY!

Frantic calls were placed to KPLR last week, to see if the station was, in fact, broadcasting episodes of the classic Wrestling at the Chase, as indicated on commercials. (It wouldn't be "Hit Parade" without at least a tangential reference to professional wrestling.) A station associate said "No," yet on Sunday night the News at Nine showed, you guessed it, bits of Wrestling at the Chase! Aaaaaarrrrrgggghhhh! Meanwhile, fans of the Greatest Local TV Show of All Time will want to check out the following Web site: www.vonerich.com. The e-zine goes into the deep history of the troubled grappling family, who were regulars on the Midwest circuit. Bookmark this site today. It is our shared history, people!

The Post-Dispatch is a big daily newspaper with big corporate backing, yet a note in Sunday's edition was hair-raisingly messianic in its implications. Apparently, the paper's even bigger than we thought. Perhaps the daily issue should now be printed on stone tablets, brought down to us from The Hill each morning by a robed Cole Campbell. "The Bible says it's 'better to light one candle than to curse the darkness,' and if it weren't already taken that could be the motto of Imagine St. Louis," intones the P-D, in a passage that shows both humility and a sense of whimsy. It's nice to see the paper takes itself with a grain of salt. Sheesh! In the lasting words of Jackie Chan (well, not really), "Hit Parade" would like to consider itself "not unlike a lit firecracker in your pants on a warm spring day."

WGNU's Brian McKenna, the hardest-working man on AM radio, called to say that the Blues have begun a motion to dismiss Jack Quinn's suit against the team and to compel arbitration. The case will be heard in the Circuit Court of Judge Michael Calvin on June 18. McKenna predicts a Blues loss. Don't know the exact implications of all this, but it sounds Very Big, for sure.

"HIT PARADE" TOP SEVEN: Let's put these people on the pavement of Delmar! This week, we salute and recognize the achievements of the Top Seven great St. Louisans who (mysteriously!) have yet to be immortalized by the panel of the St. Louis Walk of Fame:

7. Dana Brown
6. Lene Hefner
5. Gentry Trotter
4. Steve Mizerany
3. Onion Horton
2. Corky the Clown
1. Joaquin Andujar

Send quips, tips and free T-shirts to Thomas_Crone@rftstl.com.

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