Let's Talk About Sex

Lake St. Louis' favorite agents provocateurs, the Wahls, are at it again

The Wahls of Lake St. Louis are at it again, and when the subject is the self-designated sexpert couple of St. Charles County, the meaning of the pronoun "it" is obvious: Doing it, videotaping it and even "lecturing" about it. Coitus, the old in-out, bumpin' uglies, rubbing bellies and related oral activities -- swallowing the sword or talking to the canoe driver.

Tom and Suzi Wahl have been in the news before, starting way back in '91, when Lake St. Louis police raided their home, seizing video equipment and sexually explicit amateur adult videos that the Wahls had copied and intended to sell through their mail-order business. The search warrant was thrown out by a judge and the charges were dropped, though four St. Charles County sheriff's deputies resigned after they admitted to working part-time for the Wahls in "packaging and distribution." They were not part of any video.

Fast-forward to 2000. The Wahls' latest gambit is a "live demonstration" of "advanced sexual techniques" that makes house calls. Being wise marketers, the Wahls advertised this offering in The Riverfront Times' classified ads, under the "Adult Services" category. Tom says they've put on the "performance" about 10 times in the last few months for audiences ranging from one person to about 25, both in homes and in hotels. Gee, that one lonely horny guy must have had some bucks to blow -- the presentation costs 300 bucks. It includes Tom and Suzi talking about ways to enhance sex and includes live, butt-and-everything-else-naked demonstrations of fellatio, cunnilingus and intercourse, with variations on those themes. This all seemed to be going well until the night of July 31, when, Tom says, the couple was hired to show up at a hotel in St. Charles.

Tom Wahl (with wife Suzi): "If anybody wants to make anything else out of it, they're going to have a problem, because you can't construe me having sex with my wife as an act of prostitution, even though we're getting paid for it."
Tom Wahl (with wife Suzi): "If anybody wants to make anything else out of it, they're going to have a problem, because you can't construe me having sex with my wife as an act of prostitution, even though we're getting paid for it."

When the Wahls arrived at the hotel, Tom says, he recognized several of the men in the room as St. Charles city police officers from seeing them "on the witness stand." Still believing it was a party, Tom took the 300 bucks, plus a $60 tip, and went on with the "demonstration." Tom talked about sex, and then Suzi took off her clothes and discussed and demonstrated such concepts as "indirect clitoral stimulation."

Then, Tom says, "I dropped my pants, as I normally do, and she began to perform fellatio on me. That's when they had enough. Most of our audience thinks that's when the show starts really getting good, because one of the things we're going to tell them is a little bit about how you can get oral sex more frequently."

But maybe the cops get enough of that already, if that's possible. At that point, says Wahl, the police stopped the show and told the couple they were about to be booked. But, according to Wahl, "they didn't arrest us, they didn't handcuff us, they didn't Miranda us, they didn't book us, they didn't process us. As far as I know, neither one of us has been charged with a crime." The pair was cut loose.

Wahl claims the police did do one thing: They took their $360 back. To retrieve that payment -- and $200 in what Tom calls "overtime" -- he filed a suit Tuesday in St. Charles County Circuit Court, charging breach of contract and seeking damages.

For now, St. Charles police aren't talking. "I have no comment about this investigation. It's ongoing," was all Det. Sgt. Paul West would say when contacted Tuesday. West -- who, Tom claims, was one of the officers at the hotel-room show -- is named as a defendant in the lawsuit. Cpl. Ron Bextermueller, spokesman for the department, called back later Tuesday and added that no arrests were made on the night of the incident.

Wahl says the police had video equipment set up in the next hotel room, and he believes they taped the "sexuality seminar." If his lawsuit proceeds, he hopes that the tape can be used to show what happened. The Wahls want their money back for services rendered, even if there was fellatio interruptus. "It's truly bizarre. Right now I'm just looking at a contractual dispute. They owe me money for doing the presentation," says Wahl. "If anybody wants to make anything else out of it, they're going to have a problem, because you can't construe me having sex with my wife as an act of prostitution, even though we're getting paid for it."

If you let Wahl explain the philosophic underpinnings of his calling, he will -- at length. And, of course, there is a Web site (understandthesystem.com). Wahl says he wants to "do something that's more than just entertainment, something that really helps people do something they can take out of the theater and apply in their daily lives." He'd like to be able to reduce the fee to about $10 per person and do it in a theater setting.

During the demonstrations, does the audience do anything sexual at all? "We don't dictate to them one way or the other, as far as what they do, as long as they don't interact with us," says Tom. "If somebody becomes sexually aroused, it's none of my business." Let's count that as a yes.

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