By Roy Kasten
By Kris Wernowsky
By Chaz Kangas
By Joseph Hess
By Julie Seabaugh
By Mike Appelstein
By Rachel Brodsky
By Kelsey McClure
No response from Les or The Mall. Les played that new J. Mascis song on his Sunday-night Point show. He sounds as if he really likes it. We're mirror images of each other. Scratch an '80s punk fan, find a Cure fan underneath; scratch Les Aaron, find a Dinosaur Jr. fan. He understands me.
Left Randy's name and number on the generic voice-mail box The Mall's secretary transferred me to this morning. Is Les ducking me? No, that's crazy talk. Les played "Bizarre Love Triangle" early in his shift. Is that a clue? It has to be. He's trying to help me out.
No call from Les. He played "Obsession" last Friday. If he plays it again this Friday, that means he's getting my messages but someone is keeping him from responding. It might be that prick Kane. His little "Who sounds more like Les Aaron?" game is insulting and demeaning. Making fun of a guy for having an accent -- more frat-boy hijinks from the frat-boy DJ.
"Bizarre Love Triangle" isn't the clue; it's New Order! New Order, "Obsession" -- it was right in front of my face all along! Randy was only partially right. It's not a "contraction of the musical universe," it's a contraction of radio itself! The format doesn't matter, and it hasn't for a long time. The music they play between the commercials, that's the least important thing about radio. What matters is the commercials' reaching the target audience. If they could get rid of the music entirely and just broadcast commercials all day, the corporations would do it. The 97.1 all-talk format is a testing ground: If talk radio reaches a big enough market, they'll devise a format of endless commercials, read by a charming Brit with a pleasant voice! They don't hook you on a format, they hook you on a DJ! That was their plan for a "New Order" in radio. Howard Stern moves from 104.1 to 105.7, and the audience follows. Les moves from 105.7 to 104.1, and I follow. I'm obsessed with Les Aaron. He is the Priest of the Temple of Syrinx. The corporation's great computers fill the hallowed halls of radio, and we're left with the horrifying conclusion that Rush is right! Our only hope is to get KSHE to play 2112 around the clock until everyone else catches on and overthrows corporate radio.
But that can wait until after Les Aaron's New Music Sunday. Maybe he'll play that new Go-Betweens song again. Les, you had me at "flippin'."