By Jeremy Essig
By Jason Robinson
By Hans Morgenstern
By Joseph Hess
By Peter Gilstrap
By Julia Burch
By Jeremy Essig
By Nathan Smith
That's not to say they've perfected the art of the power ballad just yet, although they come damn close to it on "I'm Ugly and I Don't Know Why," a nasty but otherwise melancholy ode to grade-school alienation (held over from when three-fourths of the band was known as the wretched Butt Trumpet) that just begs to be crooned by Axl Rose. The nearly power-pop "No Integrity" nicely channels the Ramones and Vice Squad, "Love/ Hate" is a monster chunk of melodic pop-metal that Courtney Love would (and just might) kill for, and "Big Hair, Broken Heart" is a ridiculously overproduced (but insanely catchy) love letter to Lita Ford and '80s cock-rockers that rhymes "groupie whore" with "the Troubadour."
Elsewhere, the band -- led by Butthole's hellfire holler and a sleazoid sense of humor that would make Redd Foxx grin -- let loose like a horde of sex-crazed rock & roll banshees out to conquer the world. Among the album's finer fist-pumping moments are such self-explanatory anthems as "I Wanna Be Your Sucker," "I'd Wish You'd Die" and "Part-Time Hooker" and the future TRL favorite "Shut Up and Fuck" ("Some people might call me a slut/What can I say, I wanna bust a nut" -- now that's a slogan waiting to be slapped onto a spring-break T-shirt).
"Hell on Wheels" opens the album in a burst of barnstorming style while boasting "sirens blarin' down the highway/We don't give a fuck, we're doin' it our way," and after Miss Butthole rants, "I don't want little boys, I wanna man with man-size toys" on "Size Queen," surprise studio drop-in guest Vanilla Ice (yes, Vanilla Ice!) justifies his entire laughable career by launching into the following prose: "I'm Vanilla Ice and I'll be your dream/So won't you open up your legs, let me make you cream/Just like a waterfall, you know I got it all/My long white dick is 10 inches tall."
And you thought it was just his ego that was big.