Best Topless Club

The always tasteful Diamond went truly upscale this year, installing a members-only section dubbed the Diamond Room that features a so-called data port, which is essentially a soundproof glass booth featuring a small desk and phone jacks so you can get your e-mails out and call the boss to assure him you're actually hard at work. This is a brilliant concept and enough to earn the Diamond top honors, even without the mounted -- meaning stuffed -- lion, superthick carpets and extra-large chairs with exaggerated armrests designed specifically for lap dances. Although we've never sampled the kitchen's wares, the menu looks promising, if a bit pricey. For those who insist on the very best, management promises it will, given sufficient notice, prepare any dish you fancy, from barbecued quail tongue to toasted eel. The liquor and cigar selections are by far the largest and best in the region. In terms of aesthetics and athleticism, the talent is a touch above what you see at other local clubs, and there always seem to be more dancers on duty at the Diamond than elsewhere. This club has its limits -- if you want omigod raw-and-raunchy, head to Roxy's in Brooklyn or PT's in Centreville. The cover you pay at the Diamond will also get you into those clubs, and vice versa.