When we heard that the Bridgeway Counseling folks were hosting a turtle-race benefit, we had to wonder what fresh hell would be arriving in St. Charles. Imagine St. Chuck drunks slapping box turtles' asses with paint stirrers, scaring the little reptiles into their shells and then, perhaps, sliding them down the bar in a game of table shuffleboard, just to win back 20 bucks. And don't forget the turtle-soup after-party.
The 1,000 turtles at the race will, it turns out, be plastic, but the cause they're serving is very real. Bridgeway offers treatment to victims of domestic violence and sexual assault, as well as help for those addicted to drugs, alcohol or gambling (notwithstanding this particular gambling-style fundraiser, ahem) at fourteen area locations.
Kids will enjoy face-painting, craft projects and coloring. Grown-ups will get kicks from a dunking booth featuring local celebs (if you've ever received a speeding ticket in St. Charles, this is your chance to submerge the sheriff). Everyone will enjoy bagels, doughnuts and juice before the main event: watching a thousand brightly colored turtles zip down a water slide two or three times. The final race determines the big winner: for a $5 donation to Bridgeway, the person who picks the winning turtle goes home with $1,000 (8-10:30 a.m., 636-940-2283, Wapelhorst Park, 1875 Muegge Road in St. Charles). -- Byron Kerman
More Impressive Than Typing
Gettin' primitive at Cahokia Mounds
The competition to get into a good college is tougher than ever, and for high-school seniors, this year is the last chance they have to stand out. Almost every high-school graduate has computer proficiency or at least "people skills," but how many people can state with certainty "if you ever need some flint knapped, I got you covered." How about rope use? Are your cordage skills as strong as they could be? Can you start a fire without a Zippo? See, this is why you should sign up for Larry Kinsella's Intro to Primitive Technologies Workshop. For $30, you acquire and practice these college-application enhancers in a 10 a.m.-4 p.m. seminar. Class convenes at Cahokia Mounds State Historic Site (30 Ramey Street at Collinsville Road, 618-346-5160). -- Paul Friswold