What Is the Worst Pain You've Experienced?

Week of January 21, 2004

 Shady Jack
Owner, Shady Jack's Saloon
"I don't wear skivvies, so I went to Trader Bob's and had Mitch tattoo a Fruit of the Loom logo on my ass. I was layin' on that table, my ass up in the air, people walkin' by, gettin' a good look through the window. And because of all the colors it took two hours, and it hurt till my ass got numb. I drank a sixer during the process and it didn't even help -- I was drunk with my ass still hurtin'."

Lindsay Rosenthal
Mannequin Dresser, SKIF International Clothing
"Besides having a roller skate up my ass, I would imagine the pain of coming into this world is in the top ten, right after actually giving birth. A big stream of pressure being exerted on your head causes one hell of a migraine."

E. Ross
Flight Attendant
"Worst pain I ever felt was hearing that a girl I had sex with had an STD -- those genital warts. When I heard that I went out and drank eighteen Jäger Bombs, and then I went and got tested. I don't know if she really had it, but I came up clear. But that was extreme mental anguish, dude! Think about having that disease for the rest of your life. It's incurable! Your dick looks like a cauliflower! You know what I'm sayin'? Oh, fuck that!"

Shady Jack, Lindsay Rosenthal and E. Ross (left) 
Lakesha Holt, Fred Friction and Cookie Hammond (right)
Shady Jack, Lindsay Rosenthal and E. Ross (left)

Lakesha Holt, Fred Friction and Cookie Hammond (right)

Lakesha Holt
Mail Handler
"It's a toss-up between childbirth and a toothache. Childbirth, I was hurting so bad I almost started to feel good. But if I had to take one over the other, it'd be childbirth. At least you get something out of it."

Fred Friction
Power-Trippin' Proprietor, Frederick's Music Lounge
"Most pain I don't remember; I black out before it occurs. But there was that time I was captured by the Colombian drug cartel. They tortured me for two days and didn't get a word out of me 'cause I cut my own tongue out and then sewed it back after they left."

Cookie Hammond
Gospel Singer
"I can't do the anal sex thing! I don't know where everybody gets off doing that. That's the most horrible pain in the world, somebody sticking that thing up there -- it's not right! It's the exit, definitely the exit. You exit out of that place there. It's not supposed to be an entrance."