Hey, Mr. Spaceman

Unreal wants proof of this whole "Mars" thing; plus, Rochell Moore readies her arsenal of biblical curses (again), and we unveil the Official Unreal Wardrobe Malfunction Nipple Shield™ (just in time for Mardi Gras!)

Don't delay; smooth operators are standing by!

An Unbalanced Diet

Unreal didn't want to say anything. But ever since St. Louis school-board member Rochell Moore cast her infamous curse on Mayor Francis Slay last summer, he hasn't looked so good. You'd look bad, too, if you had fever, inflammation, extreme burning and mildew, and the Angel of the Lord chasing you.

So it is with sincere distress that we report yet another Moore curse. Technically, she claims that her latest admonition is not a curse, but rather a friendly warning to anyone who opposes the intelligent-design bill introduced in the Missouri legislature last month. House Bill 911 would pink-slip any teacher who doesn't teach an alternative to evolution and require textbooks to also teach the biblical story of creation.

In response to the bill, Carol Prombo, a lecturer in earth sciences at Washington University and the parent of a student who attends a St. Louis public school, sent school-board members a short e-mail predicting "disaster for science education" if HB 911 passes.

That was a mistake. Moore fired back with two e-mails. "[I]f you try to interfere with this legislation or anything that has to do with school boards in Missouri or the African-American children attending our schools," she writes in the first, "the prayers I will pray against you and anyone who helps you will not be nice!!!" Moore also wants to know whether Prombo is familiar with the Prime Directive in Star Trek. "You have violated that," the school-board official concludes. In a subsequent e-mail, Moore asks Prombo if she had anything to do with the events of October 22, 2002 -- the day Moore alleges someone spiked her coffee with cocaine, landing her in a psychiatric unit at Barnes-Jewish Hospital.

Moore says teaching creationism and evolution is perfectly sane. "Muslims don't eat pork. So are you going to fix a diet that only has pork? You may not agree with them. But you have to respect their culture. You have to have beef, pork and turkey."

Amen. Uh, pass the gravy.

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