Rock On and On and On and On

Make Sweet Meat proud in the KSHE 95 March Bandness: Tournament of Rock; plus, give us your juiciest Berger Bite, check out some cranky public art and a Branson Idol hopeful -- and don't pack heat in Dierbergs

Good job! Clay Aiken or Ruben Studdard?

Definitely Clay.

Is your love for Jesus Christ as intense as[Branson Idol producer] Doug Gabriel's?

I really don't know how intense his love is, but I go to church every Sunday, out of my own choice.

Are you going to seeThe Passion of the Christ?


Have you been to Branson?

I've been there twice. It's a really fun city.

Did you see Yakov Smirnoff?

No. He was away on some sort of trip.

Have you seen any of theLethal Weapon movies?


Who's cooler, Danny Glover or Jesus Christ?

I would have to say Jesus Christ, because He shows everyone how their lives should be lived the righteous way. He died for our sins, and that's the ultimate sacrifice.

Are you saying Danny Glover wouldn't die for our sins?

I don't know him personally, but probably not.

PfuBrub's Lament

Translation: "Do you wash your ass with a feather duster? I do. I cannot shower, for I am made of stone. Who sent me here, to this Delmar Avenue? I do not understand your 'toasted ravioli.' I am only a huge German statue. It is boring. I stare at the Melting Pot all day and it gives me hemorrhoids. My ass is bolted to limestone, which is bolted to cement. Solitary confinement has nothing on being glued to the sidewalk in this itty-bitty shitty city. At face value, St. Louis has a French connotation. But I see no Frenchmen here. Worse yet, my fungo is not long and stiff enough to penetrate the luscious Polyanthe. She is so far from me here. In Stuttgart we were close. So close. In St. Louis we are far. I am bored. I am lonely. Get me my agent."

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