However, less-politically connected members of the local chapter of PFLAG are not so quiet about their affiliation. In fact, they've joined forces with Joan Lipkin's That Uppity Theatre Company and GAY ("Growing American Youth") to create the take-a-deep-breath-entitled performance, As American as Apple Pie: Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Youth and PFLAG Parents Act Out: A Happening Featuring Performance, Conversation and Apple Pie, wherein parents and youth reflect on themes of bravery, shame, gay icons, violence in the schools, self-mutilation and love. As American as Apple Pie gives voice to the concerns and fears and pride that come with being a GLBT youth, or just loving one. Free pie don't hurt, either. This unique performance premieres at 7:30 p.m. at Contemporary Art Museum (3750 Washington Boulevard) on Saturday, May 22, and takes the stage again at 3:30 p.m. on Sunday, May 23. Tickets are $5 to $15; call 314-534-1454 or visit www.uppityco.com for more information. -- Paul Friswold
Here's the scoop
Ernest Hanwi was not seeking legend status; he just wanted to make a few bucks selling his waffle-like pastry, zalabis, at the 1904 World's Fair. But when the Fates threw him together with an ice cream vendor recently depleted of serving dishes, Ernest knew what he had to do and the ice cream cone was born. Bless you, Ernest Hanwi. As part of the Celebrate 2004 festivities, Dairy Queen is sponsoring an ice cream cone eating contest at 10 a.m. near the Forest Park administration building (next to the Giant Ferris Wheel). Donations will be accepted by Children's Miracle Network as ten teams of fifteen high school students (Chunk and his pal Lardass are banned from the event) attempt to devour 100 DQ soft-serve vanilla (not blueberry?) ice cream cones the fastest and claim a $1,000 prize for their school. Bring on the ice cream headaches! -- Amy Helms
Hang the DJ?
I am the DJ
Has there ever been a night in the entire unrecorded history of the DJ-spin phenomenon when at least one person didn't glare at the DJ booth and mutter, "I could play better records than this clown?" If you are that angry mutterer, now is the time to show the world your wax collection. Negronomic Presents: Sunday School at the Hi-Pointe (1001 McCausland Avenue; 314-781-4716) offers the rarest of opportunities: You can bring your own vinyl, and the DJ spins it. Oh, imagine the possibilities. Suicide's "96 Tears," Swans' "Cop," Jonathan Richman's "Abdul and Cleopatra." Truly, you are a DJ to be reckoned with. Grab your crate, bring $5 if you're a fella (ladies get in free) and be there at 8 p.m. Just remember, when the needle hits the groove, someone in the building is going to be muttering, "I could play better records than this clown." -- Paul Friswold
If you're waiting for an invitation to the best damn party of the week, consider this it. Honestly, how lame do your other plans sound when compared to attending the Hooters 2004 Swimsuit Invitational at the Pageant (6161 Delmar Boulevard; 314-726-6161)? This event combines fashion, grace, cosmetic artistry, surgical skill (wink, wink) and nitty-gritty competition; what more could you possibly ask for? Beer? Check. Electric atmosphere? Check. Tomorrow's fashions today? Better believe it. Still not enough? How's this: It's a benefit! That's right, your $10 to $15 admission charge goes to Habitat For Humanity. So, you'll have something to tell those other losers at work Monday morning, and your ogling benefits the homeless. The show starts at 8 p.m., and the smile/leer will probably disappear from your face sometime after midnight. --Jedidiah Ayres
The West knows little about Japan. Sure, you feel cultured, taking karate at the dojo and eating sushi. But you don't know much about how geishas lived 150 years ago in Kyoto. In fact, you probably think geishas are prostitutes. Wrong! Diane Frank's new novel Blackberries in the Dream House will not only school you in the passionate ways of geishas, but also in the mystifying psyche of all women. As Frank weaves the simply stated, exquisite descriptions of a forbidden love affair, her research and time spent in Kyoto shine though. Go to Borders (15355A Manchester Road; 636-230-2992) and hear the author for yourself between 7 and 9 p.m. (She's visiting the Creve Coeur Borders Tuesday, May 25, at 7 p.m.) --Alison Sieloff