Trolling for Endorsements

We wake up a Margaret Cho-approved congressional hopeful; plus, Unreal gets the Tiger Beat facts on local car dealers and Bill Haas goes south of the border

Lou Fusz

Sign: Capricorn

Synopsis of Astrological Chart [adapted for car dealers]: Those born under this sign are more than happy to put in a full day at the office, but that's no problem, since Capricorns are both ambitious and determined [to drive you off the lot in that car right there]. The Capricorn-born are extremely dedicated, almost to the point of stubbornness. These folks can indeed be domineering, even egotistical, on their route to [that car right there]. Thankfully, Capricorns are patient, too, and are happy to wait for their [sales contracts] to come in.

Cho-tested, Cho-approved: Mike Evans wants to take Dick Gephardt's seat.
Cho-tested, Cho-approved: Mike Evans wants to take Dick Gephardt's seat.
Clockwise, from top left: George "Skip" Weber IV, Jim Trenary, Stephen Vincel, Dave Sinclair and Lou Fusz
Clockwise, from top left: George "Skip" Weber IV, Jim Trenary, Stephen Vincel, Dave Sinclair and Lou Fusz

Sports Played in High School: Basketball

Thoughts on TV Advertising: "To me, a car commercial should be about what the benefit is to the customer, not someone trying to look pretty on TV. We're trying to communicate to the customer the benefit of doing business with us. What Dave Sinclair looks like isn't the reason to buy a car."

Favorite Ride Ever: 1967 Pontiac GTO convertible

Current Ride: Nissan Quest ("I have to take a bunch of kids down to a soccer tournament in a few days.")

Fun Fact: Played guard for Georgetown's basketball squad in the late Sixties while working toward a degree in history.

Stephen Vincel (as told by Vincel Honda general manager Georgia Brasher)

Sign: Aries

Synopsis of Astrological Chart [adapted for car dealers]: The dawning of a new day [on the car lot] -- and all of its possibilities -- is pure bliss to an Aries. The symbol of Aries is the Ram, and that's both good and bad news. Impulsive Aries might be tempted to ram their [sales pitches] down everyone's throats without even bothering to ask if they want to know. It's these times when you may wish Aries' symbol were a more subdued creature -- more lamb than ram, perhaps. You're not likely to convince the Ram to soften up [with a rebate]; these folks are blunt and to the point. Along with those qualities comes the sheer force of the Aries nature, a force that can actually [sell you some undercoating].

Sports Played in High School: "He's always been into horses. You'll see him in the dealership and sometimes he'll have spurs on. Ninety-nine percent of the time he's in cowboy boots and jeans, looking like he just stepped out of the pages of GQ."

Thoughts on TV Advertising: "He hasn't put his face on a commercial. He doesn't do things like that."

Favorite Ride Ever: Any Honda

Current Ride: Honda S2000 roadster

Fun Fact: "He was in the Marines -- highly decorated, was in Vietnam, saved quite a few lives. He does not talk about it, but he's got a few medals."

Dave Sinclair

Sign: Aquarius

Synopsis of Astrological Chart [adapted for car dealers]: Those born under Aquarius have the social conscience needed to carry us into the new millennium [of exciting new cars]. These folks are humanitarian, philanthropic and keenly interested in making the world a better place by [giving you a good deal on a car]. They focus much of their energy on giving loved ones [the lowest price possible]. Aquarians are visionaries, progressive souls who love to spend time thinking about how things can be better. Making the world a better place [by selling cars] is a collaborative effort for Aquarians. They're likely to give you a pat on your back and comfort you by saying ["Thank you and here's my address"].

Sports Played in High School: "None. I worked."

Thoughts on TV Advertising: "My theory is, if you're not in the market, you don't see the commercial. It's dead air. If you're in the market, bang, you see it and act accordingly."

Favorite Ride Ever: Ford Mustang.

Current Ride: "I drive a pickup truck. I've driven a pickup for 40 years. I have to. I wound up with 37 grandchildren."

Fun Fact: Has made one TV commercial per month since October 1966. "Every month since then. I had a brain hemorrhage in 1968, but I think I still made a commercial by the end of the month. I had the hemorrhage early and made the commercial late."

Bill Me

Bill, you're a well-known asshole; what do you think of anal sex?

Bill Me!

It's always nice to hear from one of our Republican readers, especially since your reputation is that you don't enjoy sex much -- too busy screwing the voters -- except for the purpose of procreating more voters.

The short answer to your question: Not much -- if, as I presume, you mean anal intercourse. From what I hear, guys are using it as a power and dominance thing with women, and if I'm to believe the calls that go in to the Love Line radio show, kids are using it as a form of sex that doesn't risk pregnancy. I don't even think it's as common in the gay community as it's reputed to be.

I'm as much into power and dominance as the next martinet dom, but anal intercourse never appealed to me. Most women don't like it, and it never seemed to me to be very pleasurable for the woman. For most couples who do it, I'd guess the woman is doing it to please her man. In which case one time ought to go a long way -- if the man wants it more and the woman doesn't like it, she might ask herself if her man is not generally too selfish to be a good partner.

But analingus! Ahhhh, game on, good times -- and "perfectly normal, perfectly natural," as Dr. Drew and Adam would say.

E-mail your questions to [email protected], or stamp and send to Bill Me! c/o Riverfront Times, 6358 Delmar Boulevard, Suite 200, St. Louis, MO 63130.

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