You Suddenly Learn That Doomsday Is Three Days Away: What Would You Do?

Week of July 14, 2004

Don Perry
Hair Stylist
"I'd probably try to kill Beatle Bob just to piss off the pop-culture icons in St. Louis. I'd have to decide which was the best show of that night and figure he'd probably show up there. That's complimenting him, of course, but it wouldn't matter once my Luger or my garrotte or my poison-dart blow gun found its mark."

Rada Dada
Touring Performance Artist
"On the final days of existence? I'd probably be doing what I'm doing now, dressing up and being silly. Final rehearsal for the Big Adventure."

Jennifer Macanufo
Wine Pusher
"This sounds like the lunchtime poll in Heathers: 'Aliens have landed and announced they're going to destroy Earth in two days, and at the same time your uncle dies and leaves you money.' But really, if I knew the world was going to end in a few days, I'd eat a lot of drugs and hide under the covers. Most of us fear mortality enough that we'd spend the time left filling our bodies with calming substances. Anyone who says otherwise is a big, fat liar."

Eric Ammel
Bartender, John D. McGurk's Irish Pub
"Try to finish up my degree before it's too late."

Dave Perry
Partyin' Soulardian
"Well, if it's the end of the world, I'd probably lead my life the way it is now, having one good day after another and not worrying about too much. I'd just have fun right here in Soulard, make some great steaks, drink some good wine, get thrown out of a few bars for old time's sake, go say goodbye to everybody I know: 'See ya in Heaven.'"

Robert Potts
Industrial Spy, Dow Screw Products
"I'd have to go with wild sex, three days of wild sex, and then drive to Cape Canaveral, hijack the shuttle -- we know there'd be two or three of those leaving -- take it to the space station, and sex in space would be cool -- but, you know, the first thing I'd do is pull practical jokes on everybody that pisses me off at work until they all committed suicide 48 hours before the end of the world."

 
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