By Daniel Hill
By Jaime Lees
By Roy Kasten
By Melinda Cooper
By Jeremy Essig
By Roy Kasten
By Daniel Hill
By Chris Kornelis
Sting, meanwhile, is another story. This turtleneck-sweatered Jaguar shill has so desecrated his Policeman legacy that we're not entirely convinced the current soft-rock incarnation isn't the original Sting's evil twin. He is, without question, the most hated man in rock.
A better question is: Who're numbers two through ten? According to San Francisco Chronicle pop-music critic Aidin Vaziri, the runner-up is Eric Clapton, a ranking based almost exclusively on the guitar god's synth-slop collaborations with Babyface. While we may not agree with this ranking, the criteria for what makes a rocker "hated" is more or less spot on: have talent, use it well for a substantial period of time, then intentionally squander it for commercial riches, fame and/or forced mass appeal.
Admittedly, it is tough to find ten men who strictly adhere to such requirements, so we've chosen -- with the help of a secret, eleven-man panel -- to implement a graded system in which talented sellouts merit weightier consideration than, say, Johnny Rzeznik or Fred Durst. That said, to exclude such ass-clowns from this list outright would be doing a public disservice. So too would including Sting, as he is as consensus a top dog as doggies can top. Without further ado, let the hatred begin!
1. Paul McCartney Barely qualified to carry John Lennon's roach clip while both toiled with a grotesquely overrated boy band known as the Beatles, Sir Paul's true colors have reverberated loudly and horribly since Mark David Chapman put a tragic slug in Yoko's hubby. "Band on the Run" could have been written by a third grader, and McCartney's duets with alleged pedophile Michael Jackson -- and the ensuing public pissing match over Wacko Jacko's savvy purchase of the Beatles' catalogue -- cemented McCartney's legacy of poor taste and idiocy. And wasn't it great when Sir Paul, sharing the stage with Madonna at the close of the 1999 MTV Music Awards, thought Lauryn Hill was a man, referring to the artist of the year as "some guy named Lawrence Hill?" Nice one, asshole. Worst of all, who can forget the post-9/11 ode to freedom named, with typical genius, "Freedom"? Marrying a young, blond, one-legged starfucker twelve hours after burying your hero-philanthropist wife was a good one too, mate. Go fuck yourself, McCartney. You deserve worse than that, but such dread is unattainable on this earth. We can only hope Satan delivers the goods to Sir Paul in Hell, where knighthoods carry no currency.
2. Carlos Santana "Or else forget about it!" We wish we could, Carlos. And that would likely be possible had you made just one album of duets with flash-in-the-pan pop stars such as Matchbox Twenty's Rob Thomas. But no, you followed it up with "a little bit of this" and "a little bit of that" with no-talent teen tart Michelle Branch on the dreadful Supernatural sequel, Shaman, and proceeded to ride the low-rent pop-culture train all the way to a spot on National Basketball Association playoff lead-ins with the Black Eyed Peas. Pathetic career trajectory for a man once considered to be the heir apparent to Jimi Hendrix, and Santana has no one to blame but himself. It's not like his record label swooped in and said, "Say, Carlos, we need you to do this duet with the guy from Nickelback or else we're going to drop your ass." Look for him on the next Jennifer Lopez album.
3. Jimmy Buffett Alcohol-rehabilitation counselors, antidepressant manufacturers and shrinks should present Buffett with gold-encrusted plaques of recognition thanking the Key West ukulele hack for supplying roughly half of their paying clientele. Here's how the vicious cycle works: 1) Begin liking Buffett during perpetually drunk collegiate undergrad years; 2) prolong perpetual drunkenness by becoming Parrothead and attending Buffett shows until the age of 40; 3) crash car drunk on drive back from Buffett show at Pensacola Fairgrounds; 4) enter court-mandated rehab program; 5) get sober; 6) recognize how bad taste in music and hollow life was during personal "Cheeseburger in Paradise" bender; 7) start seeing shrink and taking Prozac; 8) realize that entire wardrobe consists of imitation Hawaiian shirts, huarache sandals, golf visors and jams; 9) start drinking again; 10) hit the road for Chattanooga stop of Buffett's "Four Inebriated Horsemen" tour with Alan Jackson, Clint Black and Randy Travis. Margaritaville, unfortunately, has inescapable walls made of petrified ape dung, which is an apt description of Buffett's entire catalogue.
4. The Adams Family (Ryan & Bryan) You've been asking for this double entry, Ryan, by refusing, time and again, to cover "Summer of '69" in concert. If you didn't want to be confused with Bryan Adams -- or, short of that, teased a little for being one consonant short of Canada's pint-size pride -- you should have changed your fucking name. Lots of rock stars do it, bro. Releasing three mediocre albums a year and mounting the likes of Winona Ryder and Parker Posey have done nothing to help R. Adams' credibility either. Bryan, meanwhile, paved the way for mediocre soloists like Phil Collins and Patrick Swayze to cash in at the box office by contributing to Robin Hood. For this, the gravel-throated Canuck will never be forgiven, even if the aforementioned "Summer" is a true-blue gem.
You should go to hell just for saying the Beatles are an over-rated boy band. Also, how the hell is Lars Ulrich #20, and Carlos Santana #2????
This is an unnecessary and mean-spirited rant. It might have been insightful had it been an actual glimpse into how the music industry views some of its giants in less of a positive light than the public assumed, but this is just an excuse for Mike Seely to shred musicians he doesn't like.
To call the Beatles a boy band immediatley disqualified you from any type of criticism. And why is Billy Joel not on here? He should be at #1.
I disagree. And i add that Axl Rose should be one of the first of the list. Santana appreciates music in general and recognizes talents outside of the rock category. instead of having a prefference for pop, rock, or whatever the genre he's more open minded when it comes to music and this leads to have a more broad understanding of it.But you can keep formulating your own opinions.
hey mike seely, how about you go out and try dealing with the pressure of being a (unwitting) cultural icon yourself before dissing well respected musicians in your inane web article that only eight people have read.
youre only a back-page writer for this stupid site ive never heard of because you didn't have the brainpower to figure out how to play an instrument adequetly yourself. go back to jerking off to the movie almost famous you untalented bitch.
diss articles are a sure-fire sign of a 'journalist' running out of ideas. i hope you get fired you fucking asshole. i guess since this was written in 2007 that would have happened a while ago. so i guess i hope you are sucking some crack dealers cock for rock now you untalented fuck.
Rod Stewart is one of the greatest!Also, don't be so hard on the likes of Elton John, Phil Collins and Billy Joel, just because you can't appreciate a good piano player (and a drummer too).Love you, Rod!
Google's page-rank(l)ing system gives prominence to this rather not-objective article. It's the first result shown when searching for "most hated men".
I guess you must like has-beens like Leif Garrett, David Cassidy, and Bobby Sherman. I didn't see any of them on your list. Oh well, to each his own. I doubt the rest of the planet shares your views however.
Hey, Michelle Branch has talent. Don't blame her if that song was dreadful. She was financially lured into that project against her best artistic judgement.
Wow - you have a lot of really talented guys on your list. Good thing it is only your opinion and we're all free to have one.
You are one angry, negative, nasty individual. I can't imagine harboring so much hostility. Let some air out of the balloon before you go "toes up" with a massive heart attack. You need prayers ... lots of 'em.