Week of September 15, 2004

You've obviously got issues. What the fuck happened to you, boy? Were you dropped? Did your older brothers flog your ass with LP versions of Back of the Egg when you were a child? You're obviously a commie-pinko, and anybody who went commercial is now a sellout in your eyes? Get a grip, buttmunch. Stick to critiquing your genre -- whatever the fuck that might be. It obviously isn't rock & roll. Friggin' Pet Shop Boy lover. You suck! And your editor is a pedophile too, for letting you publish such tripe. Die, loser!
Pablo Smiles
St. Louis

So could your letter, Billy-boy: You are an idiot. Your column could have been written by a nursery-school student.
William Still
Wamac, Illinois

Mike Seely, hateful hack: Your so-called "writer," Mike Seely, is a hateful hack who is not fit to exist in the same universe as a true talent like Paul McCartney. Unlike Sir Paul, who has brought joy to millions and changed the world with a pen, Mr. Seely apparently delights in sharing his misery with the world. To call Sir Paul's wife "a one-legged starfucker" is vicious and mean-spirited -- as well as ignorant. Heather Mills McCartney was a star in her own right, rising from a life on the streets to become a popular British model. And how dare he attempt to dictate a widower's appropriate means of mourning a wife and living his own life.

Admittedly, [in a phone call] I did tell Seely to rot in hell, but that is markedly tame when contrasted to his comments regarding McCartney. Of course, any critic who labels the Beatles "a grotesquely overrated boy band" should be sent back to whatever lame-ass community college barfed him out in the first place.
Jason Molnar
San Diego, California

There goes the sun: Some of your article was right on, but to put down Elton John -- give me a break! Hope the sun goes down on you.
Greg Zimney
Windsor, Ontario

In defense of Stevie Ray: Why did Stevie Ray Vaughan get an honorable mention? Were you put off by his unselfish decision to leave a high-paying job as guitarist for David Bowie's backup band to try his hand at making his own music with his friends? Perhaps you did not like his tireless work in giving drug- and alcohol-education seminars that teenagers would actually pay attention to? Maybe his untimely death on the verge of superstardom was too commercialized for you?

I suggest you kill yourself in order to show us how Stevie could have plummeted from the sky in a hipper and more lovable fashion.
Dave McNally
Boston, Massachusetts

At least Stan didn't make this list: So I figured after the Stan Musial "Burning Man" suggestion ["Burning Stan," August 6, 2003] there was nothing else some doughy journalist could pop off about to get me reaching for throwable objects. Well, here comes Seely with Paul as most hated man in rock and the Beatles as "an overrated boy band." Paul may not be the coolest Beatle, but the fact remains that while John gets the avant-garde crown more often than not, Paul had been making Stockhausen-influenced tape loops years before Lennon dated arty junkies. All this coming from some dolt that prefers Sammy over Dave in the Van Halen argument ["The Great Debate," July 21, 2004].

Back to being overrated: OK, so a band that sells records to a large percentage of the human race and changes the way music is written and recorded in less than ten years is overrated? Then I'm guessing John Coltrane is an overrated side man, Hank Aaron was an overrated power swinger and the Enola Gay dropped an overrated cherry bomb. We are all impressed that your musical tastes run so deep and mighty that the Beatles get shoved to the side. Wait, no we aren't.

Most music critics should have their ears and hands eaten off by starving weasels while they sleep. Although Mr. Seely may not be a music critic per se, he still might wanna retire each night in mittens and a football helmet.
Bryan Pollard
St. Louis

Peter Gabriel -- how could you?! With all due respect -- which is more than you gave the guys on your most hated list -- I feel obligated to respond.

1) Paul McCartney: You've got to be kidding. He clearly had something going on. He was, after all, Lennon's best friend. He also wrote some of the most memorable songs in the history of music. Clearly, he was at his best with Lennon, but Lennon was also clearly at his best with McCartney. As for your comment about his most recent marriage, how crass and sophomoric. Regarding your statement about the "grotesquely overrated boy band," I would offer that your perspective would clear up if you pulled your head out of that dark, smelly orifice it is currently imbedded in.

2) Carlos Santana: What guitar solo do you play that rivals the solo on "Black Magic Woman"? Oh, I forgot, instead of playing the guitar you were in the bathroom with a picture of Christina.

3) Jimmy Buffet: Whoever said he was rock & roll?

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