Look, we're not implying any impropriety on the Saint Louis Zoo's part. We know that video of Raja the elephant being born -- the one shown on the endless loop in the educational pavilion just south of the River's Edge, where the elephants live -- is supposed to be educational. Miracle of birth, circle of life, all that jazz -- we know. It's just that, and keep in mind we're trying to phrase this as delicately as possible here, well, watching 200 pounds of anything stretch out a vagina kinda makes our inner Marlon Perkins pitch a little tent right there under the pavilion, if you know what we mean. All right! Who's with us? Nobody? Okay then, Prudence, move out the way. You're blocking our view of the screen, and it's just getting to the good stuff.