News to Muse

The Year in Review: A Quiz

 1. Fed up with one too many accusations from St. Louis School Board member Bill Haas, interim superintendent Bill Roberti responded by:

a) Throwing a bucket of water on his head.

b) Placing a hex on him.

Mike Gorman
Mike Gorman

c) Wagging his finger and threatening him.

d) Suing him for slander.

2. What was the exact wording of Missouri's gay-marriage amendment?

a) "To be valid and recognized in this state, a marriage shall exist only between a man and a woman."

b) "Sex between two members of the same sex is hereby considered really, really gross."

c) "To be eligible for marriage, the chick must have a vagina and the dude must have a penis."

d) "A marriage between two members of the same sex is against the law."

3. At the Miss USA pageant, Shandi Finnessey said the craziest thing she had ever done was:

a) Having a three-way with Miss Arkansas and Mr. Universe.

b) Wrestling a greased pig.

c) "Entering this silly, superficial beauty contest."

d) Accepting a dare and eating three super-size Big Mac meals in a row.

4. Where is country-music superstar Gretchen Wilson from?

a) Waterloo, Illinois.

b) Milstadt, Illinois.

c) Hamel, Illinois.

d) Pocahontas, Illinois.

5. What will the name of the Cardinals' new ballpark be?

a) One Way or Another, You'll Pay for It Stadium.

b) Busch Stadium.

c) Boeing Field.

d) Mark McGwire Highway Park.

6. U.S. Representative Lacy Clay announced in March an addition to the city's downtown mass-transit system. What is it?

a) A monorail.

b) Moving sidewalks.

c) Rubber-tired faux trolleys.

d) A fleet of Segways.

7. Twenty-fourth Ward Alderman Tom Bauer proposed using eminent domain to make way for what at the intersection of Manchester and McCausland?

a) A QuikTrip.

b) A new Metro bus station.

c) A Sam's Club.

d) A memorial to the region's Iraq war casualties.

8. What was the name of the huge locomotive that rolled into Union Station this summer?

a) Columbia.

b) Rover.

c) Challenger.

d) Erector.

9. To what was Ray Cummings referring when he said, "It's almost like being inside of a beehive"?

a) Opening day of the new Crate and Barrel.

b) Vashon High School.

c) The Cardinals batting lineup.

d) Nelly's bedroom.

10. At a Regional Chamber and Growth Association dinner in January, former Missouri senator Thomas Eagleton tossed one of the following barbs. Which one?

a) "If Donald Rumsfeld remains secretary of defense, I'll move to Baghdad and become the chief of police."

b) "If Condoleeza Rice becomes secretary of state, I'll move to Baghdad and open a Christian ministry."

c) "If Attorney General Ashcroft becomes Chief Justice Ashcroft, I'll move to Baghdad."

d) "If Vice President Cheney becomes president, I'll move to Baghdad with his daughter and open a PFLAG office."

11. "It's like putting a size-twelve foot in a size-seven shoe." Who said this?

a) Walter Geter, a trucker fired from his job because he couldn't fit behind the steering wheel.

b) St. Louis interim superintendent Bill Roberti, on the budget crisis facing the city schools.

c) Ashanti, on the problem of intercourse with Nelly.

d) A female Albert Pujols fan, on his tight pants.

12. Match the local author with his or her book:

1. Eric Brende.

2. Carl Phillips.

3. Susan McBride.

4. Ridley Pearson.

5. Jonathan Franzen.

a) How to Be Alone.

b) Better Off: Flipping the Switch on Technology.

c) The Body of David Hayes.

d) Blue Blood.

e) The Rest of Love.

13. What did Archbishop Raymond Burke cite as the most significant cause of sexual abuse within the church?

a) Society's hedonistic culture.

b) Flirtatious choirboys.

c) The vow of chastity.

d) Tight pants.

14. Who is St. Louis native Kimora Lee Simmons married to?

a) Ted Simmons.

b) Richard Simmons.

c) Gene Simmons.

d) Russell Simmons.

15. Who is Ray Arvidson?

a) An ace Louisville Cardinals pitching prospect.

b) The real name of rapper Murphy Lee.

c) A Washington University scientist involved in the Mars Rover mission.

d) A vocal fundamentalist preacher opposed to the gay-marriage amendment.

16. Who was the winningest thoroughbred trainer this past year at Fairmount Park?

a) Ralph Martinez.

b) Jimmy Zook.

c) d) Wayne Lukas.

d) Penelope Ann Miller.

17. "I was a millionaire on paper for a while. The market isn't what it once was, and I am not currently a millionaire." Who said this?

a) Televangelist Joyce Meyer.

b) Wal-Mart heiress Paige Laurie.

c) Former nightclub owner and current felon Bill Stallings.

d) Local Republican presidential candidate Blake Ashby.

18. Where are Barack Obama's parents from? a) Mother from Kansas, father from Kenya.

b) Mother from Texas, father from Portugal.

c) Mother from Chicago, father from South Africa.

d) Mother from Bethlehem, father Lord God Our Savior.

19. Match the celebrity with the offense:

1. Murphy Lee.

2. John Carney.

3. Republican state representative Charles Portman.

4. Congressman-elect Russ Carnahan.

5. Terry Schnuck.

a) DUI and leaving the scene of an accident on Interstate 40.

b) Operating an unregistered boat.

c) Possession of marijuana and driving while intoxicated.

d) DUI and leaving the scene of an accident in south St. Louis county.

e) Leaving the scene of an accident.

20. Archbishop Raymond Burke: "This is a big deal. The virgin must be firm in her desire." To what was he referring?

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