This Gland Is Your Gland

Unreal snags the rare prostate interview, drops in on a lawyer's blog and cracks open a can of Dinty Moore beef stew (the linchpin of the Pontoon Beach Diet); plus, how many Post reporters does it take to tell us it's really frickin' cold?

Your answer reminds me of Southern politicians who promised to end racism but failed.

Well, Metro has a track record of completing projects when they're supposed to be complete. We opened Phase One when it was supposed to be done, we opened the first St. Clair County extension when it was supposed to be done. We opened the expansion to Scott Air Force Base when it was supposed to be done. This will get done!

Do you think the Big Dig in Boston is a fair comparison to this project, or do you think the sinking of theTitanic is more apt?

I don't think either of those projects are fair comparisons, either by order of magnitude or by what was accomplished. The Titanicwas a catastrophic maritime accident, and the Big Dig was billions and billions and billions of dollars. This is an eight-mile infrastructure-transportation project.

Bet On It

In Scott Schnuck's 30 years with his family's grocery business, there has been nothing like the recent low-carbohydrate mania.

"If I were a betting man, I'd say interest in low-carb foods will never go away," Schnuck told a breakfast meeting Wednesday of the St. Louis Regional Chamber & Growth Association. No diet trend has affected the grocery business "so hard, so fast and with so much impact," said Schnuck, president and chief operating officer of Schnuck Markets Inc.

-- The St. Louis Post- Dispatch, June 17, 2004

Dismayed at the state of the fast-fading low-carb food industry, Scott Schnuck announced yesterday that there will be some changes at his family's grocery stores.

"Screw Atkins!" Schnuck announced to a breakfast meeting Tuesday of the St. Louis Regional Chamber & Growth Association. "From now on it's all Pontoon Beach Diet, all the time: Dinty Moore beef stew, Miller High Life Light and Kodiak snuff!"

Schnuck breezed into the meeting a half-hour late, having spent the previous night "dieting" in the greater Granite City metro area.

The president and chief operating officer of Schnuck Markets Inc. said his 100-plus stores are clearing out all inventory of low-carb cheesecake, Atkins pizza and genetically modified carbless potatoes. "I lost my shirt on this low-carb crap. I'm telling you, the Pontoon Beach Diet is the way to get thin," he said, pausing to spit prodigiously into a cardboard cup. "We all know being thin is the ultimate aphrodisiac. Pontoontang, here we come!"

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