Cut to the chase: The Grand Room offers the best view of Final Four action before and after the games. Its plate-glass windows look out on America's Center, so a tit flash will be very well appreciated. Also, it's in the same hotel as An American Place, Larry Forgione's über-classy new St. Louis joint, so celebrities might be milling about.
Drawbacks: The blowjob might be televised nationally.
Randall Roberts is a Riverfront Times staff writer and author of the paper's Drink of the Week column.