The Morning-After Drill

A comprehensive analysis of hangover remedies

BC Powder
Invented in 1906 in rural North Carolina, this archduke of synthetic hangover cures looks like, tastes like and is packaged (in gum wrappers) like cocaine. But, unlike Morning Relief, the results are more level and sustained, if still a smidge cracklike. Why? Because BC Powder eases the throttle on caffeine dosage while smartly including a heaping helping of potassium, a natural booze combatant. Bonus faux drug-dealer attribute: The contents of one box equal roughly one eightball. Sell at your own risk. (Attention North Carolina hoops fans: BC Powder is the "Offical Pain Reliever" of the Tar Heel Sports Network.)

Pho Vietnamese Noodle Soup and a Blowjob
Sucking, searing proof of the overriding lesson of hangover cures: To each his own. One of my two brothers (see if you can guess which one, Mom!), swears the soup/head combo (which he collectively refers to as "Bijou Phillips") is the crème de la crème. "They're hot, soothing and orgasmic," he says, "depending upon the Vietnamese restaurant."

Terminal Toxicity
The most seasoned drunkard in America is a burly Midwestern newspaper editor we'll call "Pete," who offers the following winning formula for drinking immortality: "My biggest cure for a hangover is sleeping in and showing up late for work. But I usually don't get hangovers; I try to keep my body jammed full of toxins at all times so it isn't a shock when I drink too much Jamieson."

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