I'll Cabo Wabo You Upside the Head

The Red Rocker pummels a world-renowned architect! Plus. Unreal worries about our ambassador to Luxembourg -- but then we get a great big hug.

Do you have an ultimate fantasy huggee?

No, but I'm still waiting for it -- that one hug where I'm, like, "Wow, that was a great hug." Then it's all downhill.

You versus Barney -- any professional rivalry?

Dan Zettwoch

Let's face it, Barney just works with kids. I work with everyone. I don't discriminate.

Lux Accommodation

Proud that one of our own, Ann Wagner, has been nominated to serve as U.S. ambassador to Luxembourg, Unreal greeted the news with a twinge of skepticism. Can the chair of the Missouri Republican Party handle international relations? This ain't Springfield, after all. This is Yerp. Does Ann Wagner even speak Lëtzebuergesch?

Unable to reach Wagner, we do the next best thing: We phone the Luxembourg Hilton.

A concierge picks up. Answering our queries in a thick French accent, he tells us that most Luxembourgers follow the comings and goings of the American ambassador very closely. "The current ambassador will be leaving very soon," he reports. "His name is Peter Terpeluk. The new ambassador is a lady, but I can't remember her name. She will be arriving next week I think."

Ann Wagner?

"Yes, yes, I believe that is her name."

Informed that most Americans haven't the foggiest idea who Luxembourg's ambassador to the United States is, much less where Luxembourg is, the concierge seems a bit insulted. "[Here] it is a very prominent position. As you know, Luxembourg is a very small country. There are many American companies that are based here, so everyone knows who the American ambassador is."

We confess our doubts about Wagner's ability to fill such a crucial role. What if she blindly appeases Grand Duke Henri? Next thing we know, Luxembourg will control all of Europe!

For a brief moment the line is silent, aside from the overseas hiss. Then our concierge reassures us before ringing off: "We have very good American relations."

Local Blog o' the Week

WILL RETURN NEXT WEEK

Know of an Unreal-worthy local blog? Send the URL to unreal@riverfronttimes.com.

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