Past the windmill blades, into the hippo's mouth, through the scary clown's crotch, over the castle's moat and into the pint of Guinness. Into the pint of Guinness? Well, we aren't playing at Pirate's Cove Adventure Golf! No, for those golfers 21 and older, this is serious putt-putt made into a semi-dangerous sport through the introduction of random shots of Jägermeister: Welcome to Soulard's fourth annual Putt-Putt Pub Crawl. At this event you get to visit 20 Soulard pubs (starting at DB's Sports Bar, 1615 South Broadway) this Thursday, June 23, from 5 p.m. to 3 a.m., hear more than 50 bands, play 9 wicked putt-putt holes and maybe win a prize. The price for the pub crawl is $15 in advance and $20 the day of, and tickets can be purchased at participating pubs or through MetroTix (www.metrotix.com or 314-534-1111).
Of course the Putt-Putt Pub Crawl is just the raucous start of the Soulard Open, an official United States ProMiniGolf Association tournament (USPMGA, for those in the know). The Soulard Open takes place Thursday through Saturday (June 23 through 25), with golfers competing for a $950 purse. Once the pros have finished, the greens will be open terrain -- BYOH (Bring Your Own Helmet; it may get scary out there, folks). For more information on the pub crawl or the Soulard Open, visit www.soulardnights.com or call 314-776-6927. -- Amy Helms
Heartache, hope, knife-sharp social commentary and astounding talent round out Masterworks of Contemporary Art, the new free show in Gallery 337 of the Saint Louis Art Museum in Forest Park (314-721-0072 or www.slam.org). "Masterworks" is no overstatement: This exhibit -- which includes the work of African-American artists Jacob Lawrence, Romare Bearden (that's his Summertime at right) and Glenn Ligon (among others) -- showcases some of the finest and most influential art of the past few decades. Techniques range from the rich "visual narratives" of seminal contemporary painter Lawrence to the mixed-media projects of Ligon, who effectively tackles hot-button issues like race and sexuality. Masterworks opens Friday, June 24, and remains up through August 28. -- Brooke Foster
Happy birthday to you/Happy birthday to you/Happy birthday Old Chain of Rocks Bridge/Happy birthday to you! Sorry we didn't put 76 bridge-size candles on your giant cake (we were afraid that when you made a wish and blew them out, the city would catch on fire). But we're still going to celebrate your special day full-tilt from 8:30 a.m. to 3 p.m. Lucky for you, you get to stay right here (one block south of I-270 along Riverview Drive in Missouri, and south of I-270 along State Route 3 in Illinois) while we go on either a 14-, 32- or 42-mile bike ride, but rest assured: We'll still have plenty of energy left to listen to live bluegrass music and party when we get back. See over there? That's right: Schlafly beer, your favorite treat! And we know you, ol' Rocky; you don't want us spending any more than $3 to $9 on pressies, er, party admission. Such a selfless bridge!
Staying, You're Welcome
It's too bad we don't have any cultural institutions that listen to what St. Louisans want, to what we truly need. Like Ruby Osorio's show (that's her Serenity [detail] pictured) and the three other exhibits at the Contemporary Art Museum St. Louis (3750 Washington Boulevard; 314-535-4660 or www.contemporarystl .org): We're not done looking at them yet, OK? So leave these artworks where they are! Oh, you already extended their stay until July 17? Oh, cool. Thanks for listening! (Museum admission is $3 to $5 and free every Thursday.) -- Alison Sieloff