No Thanks, Deer

Unreal evades some bloodthirsty deer, chats up a man who'll pay $10K for a wife and gets creeped out by a pint-size beauty-queen doppelgänger. Plus, behold the Rachel Show!

"Do you think she'll show up?"

"Who? Oh -- her. I hope not. Yuck."

"It's like, get a clue, you know? We don't like you!"

"I know."

"Even if we've only been admitting it for the past few months. Or weeks."

"Yeah."

"She -- SHHHHH!!!"

"Hey, fellow Eagles! What's up?"

" ... nothing."

"Yeah ... nothing."

"Hey, Nat, don't I usually sit there?"

"No."

"Oh. ... Well, that's, you know. That's cool, whatever. I should probably spread out, anyway. I've got some legislation I should probably look over before my Advanced Civics. That class is hard!"

"Yeah, you told us. About a hundred times."

[silence]

"You know what I hate, Steph? Besides this nasty crap my mom's trying to kill me with?"

[laughter]

"I don't know, what?"

"When people still think they're wanted when they totally aren't! For some reason, that's really bugging me right now!"

"Yeah!"

"Yeah!"

"Hey, yeah! Like Congress? They're always doing that! They suck."

[silence]

"Yeah, well, they aren't alone."

"What?"

"God, nothing, never mind! Steph, want my Fritos?"

"Yuck, no."

"Nat, want my Fritos?"

"Why don't you eat them? You're totally anorexic, Nicole."

"I am not! Shut up! -- Oh, hey, guess what? I totally forgot: Guess who's in Time this week? Barack Obama!"

"WHAT?! He's sooooo cute!"

"I know! And he's so into the future, you know?"

Know of an Unreal-worthy local blog? Send the URL to unreal@riverfronttimes.com.

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