Hurtin' for Certain

Unreal discovers the true cause of a pain in the ass, gets a bargain on a pope-touched bandana and asks the eternal question, "Whither pajamas?"

Know of an Unreal-worthy local blog? Send the URL to unreal@riverfronttimes.com.

Somebody Buy My Crap

Item: John Paul II Bandana

Condition: Like new

Price: $200

Seller/Age: Anthony, 42

Location: St. Louis

Phone: 314-382-7793

Issue: August 14

Unreal: What exactly is a "John Paul II bandana"?

Anthony: It's a white bandana, kind of the shape of a snow cone. It's not the type of bandana you wear on your head. It says "John Paul II 'Defender of Life' Papal Visit Jan. 26-27, 1999."

How'd you get the bandana?

It's my mother's. The pope was passing it out when he was here. He touched it.

Why are you selling it?

After the pope passed away, my mother figured there would be a lot of interest in it.

But the pope died, like, five months ago. Aren't you a little late?

Well, she was trying to get someone to put it on the Internet, but no one ever did. Then one of my sisters called with the number to the "Bargain Box."

Do you think your pope bandana could be worth more than the $200 limit?

It probably is. It's probably worth a lot more.

Have you received many calls?

You're the first one.

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