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Unreal applauds James Shrewbury's efforts to repeal "Don't Ask, Don't Tell." Plus, a titillating AP report, a local Orthodox Jew who's having second thoughts and a breast-cancer-awareness p

Woe was we last week when jewelry designer Heather Cooper dished to Unreal about her ill-fated boob job.

"I didn't dream that people would be so wigged out about it," the Dogtown resident moans. "It's not even in color. It's silver. And people won't touch it with a ten-foot pole."

The "it" in question is a boob.

"People won't touch it with a ten-foot pole."
"People won't touch it with a ten-foot pole."

Specifically, a boob about the size of a quarter, dangling from a pink silk ribbon and etched with your choice of the word "awareness" or "survivor." Cooper makes pins, too.

"The pink ribbon is great and does a lot for people, but not for me. I'm a realist," says the jewelry maker, explaining that the design was inspired by a dear friend who's a breast cancer survivor. Cooper promises to donate a portion of the proceeds to charity and handcrafts each boob to order. "I want them to be as individual as each woman is," she says.

So far she has sold a grand total of three.

Even more demoralizing, a few weeks ago Cooper donated two pieces -- one of them a boob pendant -- to a health-oriented charity that was planning an auction. "They said they were more than willing to sell the regular pendant, but not my breast," she relates (though she's too polite to name the charity). "That sent me over the edge."

Not to worry. We're all about promoting boobs. Cooper's are available for $75 on www.smartgirldesigns.com.

Naming Rites

New York (AP) -- American Express is suing the CEO of a communications company for payment of $241,000 worth of disputed credit card charges at a Manhattan topless club.

American Express says in papers filed in state court that Savvis Inc. chief executive officer Robert A. McCormick was in the club Scores in October 2003 with at least three other men.

-- The Associated Press, October 21, 2005

November 2, 2005

St. Louis (AP) -- American Express dropped its suit against Savvis Inc.'s CEO after a settlement was reached yesterday between the Town and Country-based communications company and New York City's Scores Holding Company Inc.

In the deal, the terms of which were disclosed by an anonymous, heavily perfumed source: Scores will retroactively comp the Cristal and lap dances in exchange for the naming rights to the Savvis Center.

The source added that the arena was initially slated to be renamed "Scores' Super Elite President's Club," and that hockey was to be phased out by 2009 in favor of competitive Crisco pole dancing. But because the St. Louis metro area lacks a Scores club, the company has instead sold the naming rights to a unified third-party conglomerate.

Effective Christmas Day 2005, the arena will be known as "Paige Laurie's Club 64 East West."

LOCAL BLOG O' THE WEEK

"Frum With Privileges"

frumwithprivileges.blogspot.com

Author: Mike

About the blogger: "A U City resident who's having second thoughts about Orthodox Judaism."

Recent Highlight (October 9, 2005): There are two main groups of frum Jews. There are the FFBs, or "frum from birth." Then there are the ba'al teshuvot, the returnees or newcomers to Orthodox Jewish conduct and thought. Not surprisingly, a ba'al teshuvah faces serious obstacles to frumkeit that an FFB does not. It's easier to dismiss the trappings of popular culture and the traife (non-kosher) food if you were never very exposed to it in the first place. But for the secular American Jew who up to this point thought nothing of eating cheeseburgers, watching TV, going to the movies and working or driving on Saturday, there's a whole set of programming that needs to be overcome. To put it bluntly, not everyone's cut out for the lifestyle.

Like me, for instance.

For four years, my wife and I tried to live the life of frum Jews. It started when we were living on the West Coast in the Orthodox neighborhood of our city. There we began to attend shul, keep Shabbos and kasher our home. My wife wore a sheitel, a wig that frum married Jewish women wear. I started doing all this because it was important to my wife, but the more I attended shul, the more I became attracted to it. This pattern only continued when we moved to our current home in a midsized Midwestern city. Over the past year, however, we have had to face the fact that as much respect as we have for frum Jews, we are not them.

Know of an Unreal-worthy local blog? Send the URL to unreal@riverfronttimes.com.

James Shrewsbury, president of the St. Louis Board of Aldermen, recently introduced a resolution championing the repeal of the United States' "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy on gays in the military. The resolution, which passed by unanimous vote, urges Congress to pass the Military Readiness Enhancement Act, a bill that would allow gays and lesbians to serve openly in the military. "You don't have to be a gay-rights activist to oppose discrimination," Shrewsbury told the Associated Press. "There is no relationship between performance in any position and sexual orientation."

Unreal might differ with that take on sexual performance, but we've always been a sucker for a man in uniform. With that in mind, here are a few suggested new honors for our "special" forces. Silver Star We've all heard of "Gold Star" lesbians. This is the martial version, for women who've never sampled man-flesh.

Prisoner of War Medal Because love is a battlefield.

Diver First Class Badge Going down!

Coast Guard Expert Pistol Blessed are the coxswains.

Officer Quartermaster Service Insignia Did someone say StairMaster?

Joint Chiefs of Staff ID Badge It's a dom-sub thing.

175th Finance Center Command Patch Everyone needs a sugar daddy.

Joint Service Commendation Medal For distinguished service in the field of...well, you get the idea.

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