The Darkness

" 'ello, this is vocalist Justin Hawkins from the Darkness, here to talk about our amazing, fantastic, unbelievable second album, One Way Ticket to Hell...and Back. [Pauses] What? You think the album is way more over-the-top than Permission to Land? You'd call it grossly self-indulgent, plodding in many places and lyrically ridiculous? [screams in high register] We are the second coming of QUEEN! Don't you understand that? We even worked with their producer, Roy Thomas Baker. Listen to the densely layered, "Bohemian Rhapsody"-esque harmonies on "English Country Garden" or the weepy piano in "Blind Man." Freddie Mercury TOLD ME HIMSELF he loved those touches. [Gets huffy] No, my voice has not made the entire neighborhood's dog population shrivel up in agony. Fook off. Besides, the disco strings and vampy rhythms on "Girlfriend" WILL be part of our lucrative Broadway revue, and we've also paid homage to AC/DC, Def Leppard AND Bon Jovi on the album. Oh, and as for our ace balls-out single, "One Way Ticket," I have two words for you: MORE COWBELL. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some catsuits to iron for our 2006 arena tour. And where's my eyeliner?"