The 5 Best & Worst Videocassettes of 2005

THE BEST:

1) All the President's Men (1976)The lazy limousine liberal that Bob Woodward has become should be required to watch this movie nightly, so as to remind him that there's a lot more to journalism than face time and feature-length fellatio.

2) Network (1976) Amazing when you consider that Taxi Driver, Rocky and the original Bad News Bears were released in 1976 too.

3) Wally's Workshop (1972)Bourbon and velour aficionado Wally Bruner was the home improver Bob Vila wishes he could be.

4) Far From Heaven (2002) Todd Haynes' 1950s closet-case masterwork should have gotten twice the Oscar love that will be lavished upon this year's overrated Bareback Mountain.

5) Seems Like Old Times (1980) Chevy Chase, Charles Grodin and Goldie Hawn are perfectly cast here, but Sir Robert Guillaume is the glue.

THE WORST:

1) Bob Hope's Laughing with the Presidents (1997) A stopped clock is right twice a day. Bob Hope was not funny once in his century-long lifetime. The world is an infinitely more amusing place now that he's dead.

2) Some Like It Hot (1959) Regarded by many as the best comedy of all time, the reality is quite the opposite. Jack Lemmon is regarded by many as one of the finest actors of all time. The reality is quite the opposite.

3) Pardners (1956)Now that Bob Hope and Jack Lemmon are dead, Jerry Lewis is the most overrated, unfunny old hack alive. Dean Martin carried him in these movies, not the other way around.

4) Norma Jean & Marilyn (1996) A ridiculously melodramatic made-for-TV biopic whose lone upshot is Ashley Judd parading around naked half the time. Mira Sorvino is horrible.

5) Star Trek: Insurrection (1998) An inexplicably boring cinematic extension of the most inexplicably popular television series ever.

Each week the author treks to the Schlafly branch of the St. Louis Public Library, where a staff member blindfolds him and escorts him to the movie shelves. After selecting a film at random, Seely checks it out and reviews it.