Duwe Ever!

Unreal gets hot and bothered over a former GOP spokesman, calls up a north-county man with some James Bond-ish crap to sell and finds a local blogger with “zero redeemable qualities to speak of.”

You're like Q in the James Bond movies! How do your listening devices work?

They come with an antenna that you put in your pocket and a little earpiece, like on a wireless phone. Say you're at a party and want to hear what people across the room are talking about. You aim the antenna toward them and everyone just thinks you're listening to someone on the phone. They sell these in TV Guide for $19. I sell them for $10.

Do you ever worry that your spyware could be used for illicit purposes? Say, perverts placing the cameras in shower stalls?

Kenn Minter

I've never heard of that. But I know of people who've used them to catch their spouse cheating. You can put them in the bedroom real easy. They've got built-in infrared lenses and audio. You can see and hear everything. Essentially what I'm selling is information. Sometimes people like what they see. Sometimes they don't.

Have you used them in the bedroom?

Yeah, I've used them with [pauses to count] six women. They were into it.

Do you still have the videos?

Yeah, I watch them from time to time.

You dog! So in a sense this is the gift that keeps on giving?

Yeah, I guess. You know, info is king.

From time to time Unreal trolls the St. Louis Post-Dispatch classified section's "Bargain Box." We cannot guarantee any item remains available for purchase at press time.

"Nothing For Everyone"
Author: Clemy but call me Erin

About the blogger: A student in junior college, Clemy/Erin is a 26-year-old Belleville resident who says she has "zero redeemable qualities to speak of."

Recent Highlight (November 18): I'm trying to get my secret society formed but am kind of at a loss of what a secret society does after you have the hand shake and initiation down. My secret society is going to do a lot of double dutching and coupon clipping. Anyway here's the ad that is going to run for one week only in the Belleville News Democrat (the worst source for news in the entire world) after the secret society application is up and running...(I do need some questions to weed out all the uberlosers)

Finally, a secret scoiety that everyone knows about and we are now recruiting like minded semi-apathetic individuals willing to partake in thrilling (might be a stretch) and irreverent displays of indifference. REGISTERED VOTERS, YUPPIES, RACISTS, AND VANITY PLATE HOLDERS NEED NOT APPLY.

Refreshments will include Ovaltene and pimento loaf (bread not included)

First meeting will involve practicing the secret handshake and learning how to roller derby.


Know of an Unreal-worthy local blog? Send the URL to [email protected].

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