Exhibit V

Want a Girls Gone Wild video? The city can hook you up. Plus: a box full of even more naughty tapes, and a paean to the cars that go boom.

Are you a bigger fan of the au naturel bunny of the 1970s, or do you prefer the synthetic 1990s look?

I love breasts. Implants are fine with me. But, truthfully, I'm just not a big fan of Playboy anymore. I think they've gone downhill. They used to get the hottest chicks in the world. Now it seems the magazine only features Hef's latest girlfriend.

Do you collect anything more explicit?

Not really. The main thing I collect is wrestling figures. I probably have about 150 of them. I think they'll be a pretty good investment.

How about Girls Gone Wild videos? We could get you some bootleg copies....

Thanks for the offer, but I feel they're even more of a tease than the Playboy videos I'm selling. If I want to see drunk girls getting naked, I'll go to Club Buca and start buying rounds of tequila.

From time to time Unreal trolls the St. Louis Post-Dispatch classified section's "Bargain Box." We cannot guarantee any item remains available for purchase at press time.

Local Blog O' the Week

"Dammit Wheeler"
Author: Wheeler
About the blogger: Wheeler is a 21-year-old from St. Charles who works at Hotshots. On his MySpace.com profile, he says: "Most of my time is spent slacking to the max for now. When I don't slack, I mostly play minor league football, drink beer, update my web site, or go to work." His blog includes video accounts of his drunken antics.

Recent Highlight (date unknown): I forget the exact details of why I did it but something led me to give Jacqi a weggie. Which looking back now, I don't think I was fully prepared for the punishment that this girl can deliver. Would I do it again? Hell yea! Here is a list of the moves that she put on me in no particular order — choke hold, choke slam, face slap, bite, elbow drop, kick to the head, penis grab and twist, purple nerple, and my favorite the choke and slap. I would later find out that she has three brothers and they performed these moves on her. Well after the assisted separation done by my good friend Chris and Steve we all stepped outside so some of them could smoke. I was lured into a trap under the banner of a truce. Walking outside with beers for everyone, damn I am a nice guy, I hand them out, open mine and get pushed over a bush. Injuring my already rolled ankle. I did save the beer though so all was not lost. She felt sorry like she should have came over and nursed me with a beer and helped me back inside.

Things slowed down and I as she was ready to leave. There was a problem, someone thought they would be cute and hide her purse in an attempt to keep her drunken ass there. For less then pure reasons I am sure. We find the purse and jet home. While driving we have this long conversation about how I am wuss for not being over Emily and how everything happens for a reason. I finally get home and face plant on my living room carpet.

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