Hair Shirt

Revealed! The diary of a traumatized Shih Tzu, a local blogger's bedroom confessions and the wherefores of wearing human hair! Plus, the triumphant (and drunken) return of Charles Bearkowski.

From the February 3 Belleville News-Democrat

The Diary: Sometimes I itch. I itch real bad. Some dogs, they do that stupid thing with their paw. Me? I just start biting. Doesn't matter where. Could be my tail, could be my haunch. I bite. I bite, and I bite, and I bite, and I bite, and I bite! After a while I don't even know why I'm biting anymore! But that's what I do. I bite! I could probably outbite that bitch pit bull down the street! Too bad she's spayed. People think that because I get brushed, I wouldn't stand a chance with a bitch like that. But they haven't seen me off the leash. When I tear into a can of Iams Select Bites with Lamb & Wild Rice in Gravy, I'm hungry like the wolf! Used to be an Alpo man (Filet Mignon Flavor), but no more. It backed me up something fierce. They said I got farty. Fuck that! Just air me out. Let me run!... YEEK!... I run fast! Nothing can stop me when I run! I'm like wind! Fire! Water! I didn't used to be good at it. I spent too much time with those ass-sniffers at the park. Now, I run! I run, and I run, and I run! I run! Sometimes I run until I can't breathe. I'm dizzy and I don't know where I'm going. I don't even know why I'm running. Am I chasing something? Is something chasing me? I don't know! I don't care! This is what I'm doing! I'm running! I'm running. I'm a fast runner! I'm so fast....

Wig out: Unreal has a hankering for a Jus Wagner original.
Wig out: Unreal has a hankering for a Jus Wagner original.

Local Blog O' the Week

"The Adventures of Converse Girl and her Fancy Footed Dogs"
Author: Mindy Andrea Tobias
About the blogger: Mindy is a twentysomething "crafting addict" from Philly. Her passions are scrapbooking and observing the antics of her pooches, Riley and Simon.

Recent Highlight (February 3): So I've made a decision. Just as each man gets a gilette razor on his 18th birthday each woman should get a fake cancerous breast. Weird I know but breast exams are just way too confusing if you don't know what you are looking for. Contrary to popular belief, breasts are not filled with jello. They have texture. So how's a girl to know if its normal texture or odd texture. Perhaps we just need to feel ourselves up more. Sure, you'd have to figure where to store your fake boob but if everyone had one it wouldn't seem as weird....right...yeah..sure...

Anyway, the man is in town this weekend. Tonight we will see the Spankers at Off Broadway by ourselves and tomorrow we have an agility show out at Lake St. Louis. He's overbooked himself and yet nothing is firmed up. At some point I need to recoup from a long week but I don't see the time. I'm sure also he'd like some recreational activity so I a) need some energy and b) need to find some...well...hey, I'm on anti depressents. Does anyone here remember if I had a drive with the last boyfriend....its been 7 years and I've been on meds for like 6....hell if i can remember. Plus when I with him the esteem wasn't as high there was that whole joy of having someone interested in little old me. I seem to remember a whole lot more activity. Its really a toss up...happy non interested me or depressed corpse me and really sex with a gal who's offed herself just doesn't seem like it would be all that fun.

Know of an Unreal-worthy local blog? Send the URL to [email protected].

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