My fellow Americans:
Today marks the start of American Craft Beer Week, a celebration of the fine art of brewing beer as performed by small, independent, compassionate brewhouses. Now, we're not going to be all fascist and demand that you celebrate. But we will state, unequivocally, that if you don't use your rights, you will lose them. Do you want to live in a nation that has no good beer? No, of course not. That's akin to letting the terrorists win. So we urge you to flex your rights free prizes are at stake. Stop by the Schlafly Bottleworks (7260 Southwest Avenue, Maplewood; 314-241-2337 or www.schlafly.com) today and pick up your free Beer Passport. Visit any seven bars in town that serve Schlafly, get your passport stamped at each one (hint: the Bottleworks and the Tap Room count), and return with said passport to receive your free Schlafly T-shirt. You have a week to complete your mission, so take your time and enjoy yourself. You're a patriot, after all.