Jogging While Intoxicated

Just in time for the worst storm in recorded history, Unreal catches up to Hash House Harriers, the drinking club with a running problem

When her underwear is wet

When the end of the month rolls around.

Well, it's hi-hi-hee in the tampon factory

Any port in a storm: Big Hump neophyte Just Jerry leads 
the pack
Jennifer Silverberg
Any port in a storm: Big Hump neophyte Just Jerry leads the pack
Suck My Bag shares an intimate moment with Just Susan 
(to be known henceforth as Do My Butt).
Jennifer Silverberg
Suck My Bag shares an intimate moment with Just Susan (to be known henceforth as Do My Butt).

Yell out your sizes loud and clear.

We've got small, we've got large

We've got enough to fill a barge

When the end of the month rolls around.

Drink it down, down, down, down...

By now the police have driven past without bothering the Big Hump, but one of Meta's neighbors, approaching with a cigarette in one hand and a full tumbler in the other, is seething. "Excuse me, but whoever's party this is, how long have you lived here? We just had a huge storm and it would be nice if you could quiet down."

PMS manages to steer her away, perhaps with a whispered promise that the crowd will disperse shortly.

"This Hash is much more family-oriented," opines Just Kelly, the visitor from Denver. "There's not as much cursing and nudity here. It's different everywhere you go."

The group opts to move the naming ceremony to an afterparty at Hammerstone's. There, Just Susan, a huge fan of the Dave Matthews Band who once pulled over on I-70 to have sex, is baptized Do My Butt.

Next comes Just Jenny.

"Nobody much liked Butch Whacker, because of your ex-boyfriend," who turned out to be gay, says PMS. "Some kind of liked I Don't Wanna Ride Her, because of your ex-boyfriend, and because you look like Winona Ryder. So we didn't go with I Don't Wanna Ride Her — but we did go with I Wanna Ride Her!"

The Hashers cheer and hoist their glasses to their newest sisters.

The end of the evening is the time for storytelling and reflection. To be sure, the Big Hump has been through a lot together.

There was the time it rained so hard that the cooler at the Beer Stop in an Illinois state park washed clean away. And the run only a month ago when a pair of bicycle cops chased them out of a parking lot near Barnes-Jewish Hospital. (They all happened to be wearing lamp shades on their heads.) And the many fraught occasions post-September 11 when Hares were accosted by police officers who thought the flour they were tossing in the streets was anthrax.

Despite the weather, tonight proves no exception to the only real rule: Hashers must come to have fun.

"It was one of our better turnouts," Meta observes.

"I had a lot of fun," adds Duzzy.

"It was good. It was good," PMS pronounces.

The Grand Master's eyes are narrowing, and from the mellow look that suffuses her face it seems the toughest part about Hashing is probably Thursday morning.

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