Crazy Calculus!

B-Sides analyzes the mathematics of Don Caballero's existence, calls out Bon Jovi for cliches and points you to some hot Futureheads action in the Download.

Like a blind dog without a bone

I was a gypsy lost in the twilight zone

I hijacked a rainbow and crashed into a pot of gold

Don Caballero: Subtract band members, add mystique, multiply by new tunes and voilà! Math-rock legends!
S. Brackbill
Don Caballero: Subtract band members, add mystique, multiply by new tunes and voilà! Math-rock legends!

Details

9:30 p.m. Saturday, August 12. Creepy Crawl (3524 Washington Boulevard). $8 to $10. 314-531-3888.

I've been there, done that, and I ain't lookin' back on the seeds I've sown

Saving dimes, spending too much time on the telephone

Who says you can't go home

Who says you can't go home

There's only one place they call you one of their own

Just a hometown boy, born a rolling stone

Who says you can't go home

Who says you can't go back, been all around the world and as a matter of fact

There's only one place left I want to go, who says you can't go home

And this is but one verse and refrain. Therefore, we must move forward in this claim against your party in the sum of $25,000* per simile, metaphor and overused cliché, which comes to an even $5 million dollars, according to our accounting department.

May you continue to soar like eagles on wings of stardom.

Best,
Robert Asa
Metaphors and Clichés

*This is twice our usual amount, owing to the presence of this song on both the adult contemporary and country charts. "Paybacks are hell" is our favorite cliché. — Kristie McClanahan

7 p.m. Friday, August 11. UMB Bank Pavilion, 14141 Riverport Drive, Maryland Heights. $28 to $52.75. 314-298-9944.

The Download
Cover songs can be a gamble. But after their brilliant tribute to Kate Bush, we're willing to give the Futureheads the benefit of the doubt. The U.K. quartet recently released a non-album reinterpretation of David Bowie's "Let's Dance" on a Q magazine compilation. To be futuristic, the group replaced the post-disco guitar and campy saxophone of the original with its signature barbershop-quartet backing vocals (appropriately, frontman Barry Hyde is beginning to sound like an early version of Robert Smith). Sure, it's not another "Hounds of Love," but it's a triumph compared to Bowie and Mick Jagger's shaming of Martha and the Vandellas' "Dancin' in the Streets." To listen, go to www.pitchforkmedia.com (search news: Futureheads) or www.youaintnopicasso.com (search: Futureheads). — Andy Vihstadt

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