Pray Tell

Unreal learns a thing or three about daily spirituality and "hoosier cabinets." Plus: Say it ain't so, Whole Foods!

The existence of these prohibited ingredients is not made completely [known] to the customers. No choice is allowed to the consumers of the products who all trust Whole Foods to maintain and provide the quality standards they promise.

Whole Foods Market: Whole Food, Whole Planet, Whole People or a Whole Façade? Ever get the urge to jump up and ____ this damn town? Tell Unreal about it! unreal@riverfronttimes.com.





Somebody Buy My Crap

Item: Hoosier Cabinet
Condition: Good
Price: $200
Name/Age: Mike/64
Location: Barnhardt
Phone: 314-877-9722
Issue: August 8

Unreal: What, pray tell, is a hoosier cabinet?
Mike: It's neat. Basically it's a big cabinet that housewives used for storage and baking up until around the '50s when things got modern. It has a porcelain top where you can roll dough for pies and cakes.
In Indiana do they call them "redneck" cabinets?

No. They're proud of the name. The company that first made them was called the Hoosier Cabinet Company. They were based in Indiana.

Why are you selling your cabinet?

Gas money! I'm on social security and I'm broke. The Bushies pretty much got us by the balls. They can't see beyond their dicks or their party, and I fear it's only going to get worse.

Hmmm. Speaking of "Bushies," how many cans of Busch could a hoosier cram into one of these things?

Oh, I don't know. Probably about four or five cases.

Have you gotten many calls?

Someone is supposed to come out tomorrow and see it. These things go for $800 to $1,000 in antique stores. But I like to give people a bargain. That's why I'm selling for $200.

Keeping things affordable for the common man, eh?

Somebody has to. Every American should be outraged at the blatant lies of the current administration. They're taking us down the tubes and we sit here like frogs on a lily pad afraid to jump.

From time to time Unreal trolls the St. Louis Post-Dispatch classified section's "Bargain Box." We cannot guarantee any item remains available for purchase at press time.

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