The Mattress Pad Incident

Unreal slides between the sheets with a local author, digs up a strange paean to Dr. Seuss and finds a "freedom ministry" we can truly believe in. Plus: A picture's worth (in this case) two words.

Along came some people to save Suess's life, some wharfsnattle doctors and also his wife. Yurtle the Turtle and Horton too, the Grinch who stole Christmas and Cindy Lou Who.

"Get Back,Ó he said, "Get back, I say! I've no room to breathe with you standing that way.

"I'm dying today,Ó he said with elation. "But I don't want to die of asphyxiation.

"Just take a step back and get me a drink. I'm planning my burial, now let me think...

"You can put me in a suit, send my wife a bowl of fruit. But no hearse rides for Dr. Suess, put me in a big caboose. And pull it with a purple moose. And from his antlers, hang a noose.

"A dead Dr. Suess on a moose noose caboose.

"Then dig a big hole, deep under the sea. Where the one fish and two fish and blue fish will be. Dig it real deep with a snorkrumple shovel. Drop me into the ocean and wave at my bubbles.

"That's what I'd do if I'm dying today. And I am, damnit, so go CRAM it and leave me...Olay!Ó

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