Why won't Mexican men go down on their ladies?

Week of November 2, 2006

Dear Mexican: A friend says she read somewhere that only 20 percent of Mexican men will go down on their ladies. I don't believe that. Can you "spread" some light on the subject?
El Gabacho Guapo

Dear HandsomeGabacho: Let me penetrate the thrust of your friend's argument by referring her to the seminal The International Encyclopedia of Sexuality, a set of studies on the world's sex habits gathered into one grandebook. Its Mexico section cites two surveys from the early 1990s that found about 50 percent of men in Mexico City practiced oral sex on women — more than twice the amount that your friend laid out. The Mexican hombre taste for cunnilingus grows once they hop over to the United States: a 2002 report by the National Center for Health Statistics showed that 74 percent of Latino men had performed cunnilingus at one point in their life. But that amount is dwarfed by the 87 percent of gabachos questioned by the NCHS who admitted to doing the deed. The Mexican holds various theories about why his swarthy hermanos aren't as prone to panocha pecking as gabachos — traditional Mexican men don't bother with cunnilingus since it doesn't lead to procreation, Mexican women are too ashamed of their bodies to allow a male tongue to lick their hoo-haa, Mexico's endemic machismo produces a culture where vagina dentata is as feared as la migra. But forget explanations: The paucity of Mexican men who munch muff is an urgent social ill, and I urge all mujeresto remedy the problem by nabbing a Mexican and faking an orgasm in the name of la raza.

Dear Mexican: What do you think will happen to the gringos if Mexicans become the biggest raza in America, like a lot of people predict?
El Mex de Durango

Dear Wab:That's the 64,000-peso question. Demographics show that Mexican birth rates grow even as those of gabachos fall. The Jim Gilchrists of this country predict chaos and a goat in every backyard once there are more Mexicans than gabachos; pro-amnesty activists claim Mexicans will assimilate into this country's fabric just as previous immigrant groups did. I'm among the latter, and propose we'll be the most American ethnic group yet. Taking historical cues from our gabacho forefathers, Mexicans will ridicule English speakers and dismiss them as lazy minorities with funny-sounding surnames and traditions. We'll do what gabachos were always too pussy to try — take over Mexico — and create a true NAFTA, bringing further riches to the United States and ending the illegal immigration problem for good. Then we'll become too complacent and fat, and gabachoswill plot the takeover of their ancestral lands by having more babies and agitating for affirmative action and Gabacha/o Studies programs. Moral of the story? Protect your children's future, gabachostreat Mexicans well and encourage their simpático ways. Otherwise, they might just become Americans.

Dear Mexican: President George W. Bush wants Guatemala to have the next two-year term on the U.N. Security Council. Your thoughts on this nomination and what the world can expect should it happen would be appreciated.
Gabacho in Pittsburgh, PA

Dear Gabacho:NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Dear Readers: In my October 12 column, I wrote that the United States "never had the decency to invade Mexico." Of course, the U.S. has invaded Mexico — during the Mexican-American War and when General John Pershing unsuccessfully pursued Pancho Villa in 1915. What I meant to say was that the United States "never had the decency to occupy Mexico, install a puppet regime, then sit back as the natives slaughtered our boys and each other, while our true enemies bide their time somewhere in the tribal lands of Afghanistan and Pakistan." My apologies.

Got a spicy question about Mexicans? Ask the Mexican at garellano@ocweekly.com. And those of you who do submit questions: include a hilarious pseudonym, por favor, or we'll make one up for you!

 
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15 comments
cashmere777
cashmere777

I like anal sex and most Mexican men fear or are intimidated by it ! Y?

Bajabilli
Bajabilli

How do I get a mexican man ?

Anonymous
Anonymous

Now, I see and understand. I have heard on T.V. on the year of 1995. Now, I assimilate the things I could not. You know what. There were rumors that Mexicans are gays and the majority are gays above straight guys in the Mexican communities. I thought it was a joke. But, it is true. Guys lies about being straight when they are not, and are married with wives and takes the advantages of having sex with men while they are married with their wives. Perhaps, the T.V. programs was wrong. Maybe, the Mexicans are not only gays. Probably, all of the men in the world are hiding gays who never reveals themselves they are gays.

Dominic Silva69
Dominic Silva69

Lol I'm Mexican I love going down on my lady is the best mmmmm ppl are diff same with white and Afro American males

Obidient4u
Obidient4u

As HOT and good at sex as Mexican Men are they shouldn't have to go down a women..Give me a big, uncut, beautiful Mexican dick and I'll go down on it or bend over for it anytime..Waynesboro VA area..obidient4u at yahoo...

Skjdsk
Skjdsk

Mexican men are lousy lovers and a bit under developed down there.

Jerry
Jerry

sex without no oral fun cant happen

Allen
Allen

I don't go down for several reasons...first and foremost it is an abomination to God...just like God hates homos, dykes, queers, funny boys and lesbos and their sexually perverted acts, he also hates sodomy!....the cooch is for your wiener not for your mouth and the wiener is not for your mouth, your mouth is to eat and worship the Lord not to suck on a wiener...and besides the cooch smells like rotten fish and is all slimy and gooey and nasty...why would anyone want to go down on a woman unless he was brainwashed into thinking it was cool or the thing to do...gross!

David Bercutt
David Bercutt

This whole conversation is dwarfed by the fact that Mexican flesh is in my opinion the most delicious in the world -- there is nothing that tastes better than Mexican panocha, assuming the woman is reasonably young, pretty, and clean. They can taste so good as to addict you. I have heard from women that the men taste great too - and in the same way, sugar and spice, as if the hundreds of years of eating chilis transfered to all their skin - any Mexican man who is not going down on his young wife is missing a treat, in fact, the whole issue motivated me to start my dating club, www.mexilovers.com Viva La Raza!

Bajabilli
Bajabilli

Mexican men are very hot! You've been with the wrong ones..

 

Kimberly Munoz002
Kimberly Munoz002

The vagina is designed to keep itself clean with the help of natural secretions (discharge)!!!! Vaginas dont smell and shouldn't smell! If they do it's because it's dirty (not well washed) or the lady has a problem that has to be taken care of with the doc..! And the God thing iv never heard that before where does it say that in the bible!??

Lina9010
Lina9010

You just don't wanna do coz you think it's nasty. When you talk about God it's just an excuse :P what's wrong with people these days?

Jerry
Jerry

eating out a women is the only way to go

Jerry
Jerry

i wonder if adam ate out eve lol

 
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