Medium Well

Ian has a Legendary™ beef with Stoney River.

When I visited Stoney River Legendary Steaks on a recent Saturday evening, not one, not two, but four black-clad young women greeted me inside the front door.

I thought maybe this was overkill.

But then I glanced at the seating chart one hostess held. Actually, this looked less like a seating chart than a student's crude sketch of the Schlieffen plan or maybe the blitz packages of the '85 Bears.

Good steaks come to those who wait: The lodge-inspired bar area at Stoney River.
Jennifer Silverberg
Good steaks come to those who wait: The lodge-inspired bar area at Stoney River.

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Stoney River Legendary Steaks

377 Chesterfield Center Ctr.
Chesterfield, MO 63017

Category: Restaurant > American

Region: Chesterfield

Details

Stoney River Legendary Steaks
377 Chesterfield Center East, Chesterfield;
636-536-1301. Hours: 5-10 p.m. Mon.-Thu., 5-11 p.m.
Fri., 4-11 p.m. Sat., 11 a.m.-9 p.m. Sun.

Lobster bisque $7.99
Ten-ounce "Lodge Filet" $26.99
Herb-encrusted rack of lamb $26.99
"Coffee-Cured Filet" $28.99

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And then I noticed the crowd waiting inside the front door. And the crowd waiting near the working fireplace. And the crowd waiting at the bar. And the crowd waiting around the bar (who were waiting twice, really: both for a table and just to get a drink at the bar).

I wondered whether four hostesses were enough.

Stoney River doesn't take reservations. It has "priority seating." You call the restaurant and ask for a specific time. If it's available, you're "guaranteed" a wait of no more than 30 minutes from that time.

If you're a smartass like I am, you're already thinking, "OK, so I just ask for 'priority seating' 30 minutes before I actually want to eat, and then I show up at the time I really want to eat, and my table's ready."

Sadly, no. Your wait begins when you arrive and give your name to the hostesses, who write your name on a slip of paper and, according to some theorem of higher restaurant mathematics, give it a place in the stack of slips of paper that comprises the waiting list.

And then you wait for one of the hostesses to come tell you your table's ready — a much more stressful process than you might imagine, since your slip of paper has nothing on it except your name, and the interior of Stoney River is dim. The hostesses wander around the bar with bewildered looks that seem to say, "You know, at Applebee's, they have those little buzzy things to deal with this shit."

Stoney River has ten locations in six states. Its home office is in Alpharetta, Georgia, an Atlanta suburb, but its corporate parent is Nashville, Tennessee-based O'Charley's Inc., which runs several of its flagship O'Charley's restaurants in the St. Louis area.

The Stoney River concept splits the difference between big chains like Outback or the Cheesecake Factory and smaller, more refined steak-house chains like Ruth's Chris or Fleming's. Like the big chains, the wait is long and the scale huge: Four dining rooms surround the massive, high-ceilinged bar and open kitchen; among the desserts is a piece of chocolate cake so gigantic that it comes to the table with a steak knife sticking out of it.

But once you're seated in one of the cushy booths or spacious tables, you'll find service that's polished and friendly without being obsequious, and a menu that tries to appeal to a gourmet sensibility. In fact, there's even a section of the menu called "Gourmet Entrées."

But you'll probably order from the section called "Legendary Steaks." According to its Web site, Stoney River offers "premium, grain-fed Midwestern beef, [wet-]aged in our own lockers and trimmed by hand."

This isn't quite as fancy as it sounds. Grain-fed — that is, corn-fed — Midwestern beef is what most of us have been eating since we earned our carnivore merit badges. A growing number of aficionados believe the taste of corn obscures beef's true flavor — not to mention their objections to the drugs you have to pump into a cow so it can digest corn in the first place. Wet-aging is certainly better than no aging — but it's the minimum a steak house with any pretensions should serve. As for "premium," Stoney River serves Certified Angus Beef, a brand that, according its official Web site, grades as USDA prime or the upper 35 percent of USDA choice.

The ten-ounce "Lodge Filet" I tried was a tender, juicy and tasty steak — but not a steak that distinguishes itself from any other tender, juicy, tasty steak I've had. The filet came seasoned with Stoney River's own blend of herbs and spices. This too didn't strike me as especially distinct — a little salty, a little peppery, and not much else. In this case, I didn't mind. A good steak doesn't need much more than a little salt and pepper, maybe a dab of maître d' butter. (A great steak — dry-aged, prime, grass-fed — doesn't need a thing.)

Far more interesting was the "Coffee-Cured Filet," which as the name suggests was marinated for four hours in coffee. My first few bites did yield a strong coffee flavor — good coffee at that, very dark, with hints of cocoa — but this soon gave way to a deeper, funkier essence. The best comparison I can make would be mushrooms in a red-wine sauce, but I don't think that captures it entirely. At any rate, I wouldn't want every steak I tried to taste like this, but it was a welcome change of pace.

It was certainly more interesting than one of the other highlighted steak entrées, "Beef Medallions Oscar." This was satisfying — the crab meat was flavorful (more on that in a moment), the asparagus nicely done and the meat tender — but not memorable.

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