The Head Of A Hyena

(Delmar Lounge, The Loop)

Comments (0) By Timothy Lane Wednesday, Apr 4 2007

"What are her dimensions?" the single one asks, then adds, "Needs to be a 34B."

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Friedrich Nietzsche

The married one had just offered to introduce him to one of his wife's single friends. "I'm sorry I brought it up," the married one says.

"I'm just asking what she looks like."

"You're starting to sound like a pig."

"Well, what are her intellectual interests, then?" the single one asks facetiously. "Does she like Nietzsche, or is she more of a Kierkegaard kind of girl? I'm trying not to be a dog."

"But you are a dog."

"Why is it a crime to inquire about whether she's cute or not?"

"Well, that's one thing, but when you start asking her bra size it sounds bad."

"Why am I constantly judged on my wealth and earning potential?"

"Who's judging you for that?"

"Every time I go out, the first questions I'm asked by girls is what is my job and where do I live. I'm judged on looks, height and wealth. No matter how PC you are about sexism, you will always be a male pig. That is, unless you get a sex-change operation. Then you might be accepted by women as being truly enlightened," he says. "But it isn't guaranteed."

The married one's mind flashes to a snippet from a song:

Worshiping a god with the body of a woman well-endowed

And the head of a hyena

Happy not to be among that anymore. Grateful, even.