DIY DNA

Unreal learns some CSI-style tricks. And then: a tale of whiskey and venereal disease.

Tedium sets in. Mersman drinks and complains about the weather, transforms his whiskey business into the Fourth National Bank of St Louis and builds a mansion in Lafayette Square. Syphilis, his "confounded complaint," returns. The author's sister, Agnes, meanwhile, marries a clown and is soon managing a circus. Later in life she marries "Wild" Bill Hickock.

Their twin trajectories reinforce this city's notorious pattern: The best and brightest always light out for greener pastures, leaving the rest of us with our cheap whiskey and venereal diseases.

Where the hell is Agnes' diary?

Dan Zettwoch

Local Blog O' the Week

"The Onymous"
www.theonymous.com
Author: The Onymous
About the blogger: The Onymous loves his wife and his daughter, is pretty tolerant of the cats and uses the word "awesome" way too much. He also recently underwent a vasectomy.

Recent Highlights (April 7) give it to me i throw it away

Post op report number one: 24 hours

The procedure was quick. It was very hot in the room from all the lights. I hopped up on the table, which is basically the same table that they use for OB/GYN visits. The only pain was the shots (one for each side), I didn't feel the cutting or the cauterizing. When I left my legs were a little sore from the muscles being tense the whole time (I'm the same way at the dentist, it's purely psychological). I was slightly lightheaded and nauseous, but that could have been from hunger as much as anything as I'd had both a light breakfast and a light lunch.

The afternoon and evening of the operation I slept most of the time. I got up for dinner and to watch Boo while Mae took her shower.

Pain? Very little. There's some tenderness of course, and there is an occasional sharp pain when I move too quickly or try to do something I shouldn't (or more precisely when my 3 year old tries to climb on me). I took Motrin for the first 18 hours, but nothing since.

It's a bit surprising how much you use your groin muscles for without being aware of it. It's almost harder to transition to sitting from standing than vice versa.

Athletic supporters feel very very strange if you aren't used to wearing them.

(April 8): My balls feel like a pair of maracas

In which we experience the after effects of a vasectomy.

Athletic supporters were not designed to be worn 24/7. At this point the discomfort from the supporter is more of an issue than the discomfort from the procedure. There is a mild ache in the general region of the surgery intermittently. There is constant irritation where all of the straps of the supporter are creating pressure.

Someone asked if it hurt to urinate. It does not. It's a little tricky in terms of the dressing, but it doesn't hurt at all and didn't at any point post procedure.

That is all for now. I will update again tomorrow after a dressing change.

Know of an Unreal-worthy local blog?
Send the URL to unreal@riverfronttimes.com.

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