Recent super-scientific research conducted on the Mona Lisa has confirmed what many conspiracy theorists suspected all along: That sumbitch is a paint-by-numbers kit. Paint-by-numbers is the art worlds dirty little secret. Most of the worlds great masterpieces are nothing more than well done P.B.N. projects. Whistlers Mother? Its an intermediate level paint-by-number. Sistine Chapel? Thats actually four Reeves paint-by-numbers sets poorly linked together. Pollocks Number 5, 1948? All right, that ones not actually a paint-by-number. But Number 4, 1948 is totally a by-the-numbers job. Do not be angered by the duplicity - thats just the way of the high-stakes, high-fraud art world. But you can get even if you like; tonight from 7 to 11 p.m., Mad Art (2727 South 12th Street; 314-771-8230 or www.madart.com) hosts By the Numbers: New Works by You, a large-scale paint-by-numbers party. Brushes, paint and huge P.B.N. canvasses will be tacked to the walls - all you have to do is show up, pick a canvas that reflects your artistic vision and start daubing all the number fives with sky blue paint. Kittens' eyes are always light blue. Admission is free, the cash bar will be fully operational, and you can bring your own painting smock (i.e., Dads shirt) if you wish.
Fri., Nov. 2, 2007