Speed Bumps

Unreal narrowly averts Car-mageddon, dispels a Brad Pitt rumor and gets some berry good news about vino.

"However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting. Remember:

"Water = Poop,

"Wine = Health.

mike gorman

"Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of shit.

"There is no need to thank me for this valuable information: I'm doing it as a public service."

If true, this comes as particularly good news for Unreal, for we are so often accused of being full of shit. In fact, we have just been talking stupid.

Bottoms up!

For Pitt's Sake

It was a shot heard 'round cyberspace on Monday, January 7: The city of Springfield, Missouri, plans to build a museum dedicated to the life of its hometown hunk, Brad Pitt.

And with that, Pitt's career ended. OK, not really. (Wishful thinking.)

What happened was, something called the "World Entertainment News Network" released an online "article" announcing plans for a Pitt shrine in Springfield.

The story quoted Susan Wade, "head of PR for the town," as saying, "We're glad to have Brad as part of our history and culture. In fact, we need a Brad Pitt Museum."

Wade's phone at the Springfield Convention & Visitors Bureau promptly began to ring off the hook, and the former journalist suddenly realized she was at the center of the most pitifully false Brad Pitt story in all of human history!

"It's all a big fat lie," she tells Unreal. "It was the figment of somebody's imagination. I was quoted in [OK!] magazine saying, 'We joke that we need a Brad Pitt museum,' and some publication in Thailand got a little free with their editing and put an interesting headline on it, and it's just gone gangbusters. It's really disappointing."

Replies Unreal: "That's too bad. We were going to ask if Jennifer Aniston would get her due place in the chronology."

Wade laughs.

OK! magazine got all the info correct, says Wade, so there are no hard feelings there. The flack also reports that neither Pitt's family nor spokespeople for Brangelina called to complain. Wade says she did leave a CYA voicemail for a family representative to clear up any confusion.

"It makes me wonder if we do need a museum," Wade adds. "Would you go?"

Unreal pauses. "Personally? No."

Wade doesn't miss a beat. "I probably wouldn't care about him if it wasn't for my job," she says with a laugh. "Maybe that would change if I met him." 

« Previous Page