Unreal plays Marco Polo with mischievous teens, communes with Elvis and gets hot and bothered by uniformed Israelis

We should have gotten a clue when JMizz, an ex-Marine, told us that plan had been scotched in favor of a stunt April 6 at Westfield West County. He would not give us any details, except that it involved bananas. Shot glass-half-full soul that we are, we report for duty at the appointed hour, only to find that JMizz and his top SMS henchmen have bagged that plan as well.

So there we are at the gazebo in Des Peres City Hall Park, carrying our banana. As it turns out, Unreal wasn't the only SMSer out of the loop. That's why we find ourselves, led by Agents Bryan Bartnik and Jim Foley, students at Southern Illinois University Edwardsville and Lafayette High School, respectively, embarking upon a bastardized game of Marco Polo in the mall food court. The idea: One person will yell "Marco!" and the rest will respond "Polo!"

Agent Kyle Kratky gets to be Marco on grounds that he has a loud voice and because the caper was his idea.

Unreal was never really that into Marco Polo. It's a stupid game. Evidently west-county shoppers share our feelings. The vast majority ignore us, though a few half-heartedly join in the chorus of "Polo"s. After a scintillating half-hour, Kratky leads us out of the food court and we Marco Polo our way from JC Penney to Macy's. High point: Three small boys hanging over the railing from the second floor outside Abercrombie & Fitch shout "Marco!" and giggle delightedly when we Polo 'em back.

Other mallgoers are less delighted. "What's going on?" one puzzled man asks his wife. "I don't know," she replies, "but it's fucking annoying."

Later, back at the gazebo, eating our bananas, the Show Me Scenesters declare these exchanges a sign of success: They were not completely ignored!

"For being thrown together in fifteen minutes," says Bartnik, "this was amazing."

Not the word Unreal would have chosen, but yes, we must admit it was something.