Meanwhile, the Missourians, camped out in the snow, had gone through most of their provisions, which consisted largely of whiskey. "Even so," our historian tells us, "they weren't the happiest of campers. They wanted to shoot something. So they split a haunch of venison, labeled one half 'Gov. Boggs,' the other 'Gov. Lucas,' shot them full of holes and held a mock funeral. Then both sides made a rowdy retreat."

It makes Unreal unspeakably proud to be a Missourian. 

Ask a Cougar!
Are you a cougar who's bagged herself a passel of young male tail in the St. Louis wild? Do you have tips to offer aspiring members of the breed and the fellas who want in? Do you wish you could've starred in last week's Unreal feature, "Cougar Heaven"?

Mark Andresen

Well, we might still have a place for you — on our masthead.

That's right: Riverfront Times seeks a scribe for a new column: "Ask a Cougar!"

Our certain someone is experienced as a huntress, but also good with deadlines.

She is witty, and irreverent when necessary. She tells it like it be's.

As RFT's resident coug, she will respond (à la "Dear Abby," only feistier) to a batch of questions from readers (frequency to be determined). Topics covered might include things like proven pouncing technique and protection. No cougar-related query will be off-limits.

Are you our lady? If yes, tell us why, in 500 words or less. In addition, please make up an "Ask a Cougar!" question and pen a response as you would give it to our readers. E-mail your pitch to unreal@riverfronttimes.com.

Grrrrrrrr! 

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