Dear Please, For Your Survey:

Is your 50-year-old daughter trying to get the senior citizens' discount at Denny's? They card everybody.

Assuming your daughter is having trouble buying alcohol under normal lighting conditions, I have a couple of suggestions: Perhaps she is buying the kind of booze favored among the younger set and thereby confusing the server. Maybe she should lay off the Jägerbombs and nurse a hot toddy instead. Gin and prune juice may keep those aging bowels active. Next time you and your daughter go clubbing, you should consider attending a church that serves real wine for communion. Most churches are wheelchair accessible and almost never ask for ID. While there she should definitely thank God for her good genetics and/or plastic surgeon.
— Pastor Chris

Unreal's quest for a cougar advice columnist continues! To see the responses of eight wannabes and vote for your fave, head to the STLOG, the news blog of the Riverfront Times, and look for our Cougar Poll. In the meantime, have you got a question for a pastor? A question for a cougar? A question for a cougar and a pastor? Address one and all to unreal@riverfronttimes.com.

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