• Given the erstwhile chief's fondness for tow trucks and towing companies, the municipal parking lot that serves St. Louis City Hall and police HQ should be renamed in honor of Joe Mokwa.

• Finally, surely no one would object to Roll Over Beethoven Avenue, a Chuck Berry-inspired addendum to the modest stretch that connects Morganford Road and Gravois Avenue. 

The Will to Buzz
In the potentially cool-shit-we-get-to-try-for-free! department, Unreal recently received a curious little package that called to mind a stick of dynamite.

It promised "instant and sustaining energy," no calories and "0 Crash!" It came in a little spray bottle — smaller than a container of hand gel, bigger than a lipstick — and bore the brazen brand name BaBOOM!

BaBOOM?

BaBOOM! BaBOOM! BaBOOM! BaBOOM! BaBOOM!

An energy spray, apparently. A Red Bull knockoff, in concentrated form.

Unreal and two other willing guinea pigs gave the stuff a try at a late-night, midweek concert.

"Open wide and aim for the cheeks," the bottle's label read. "Take five sprays. Repeat as desired." We found ourselves giddy at the first taste. "Bubble gum!" "Orange Triaminic!" "Chemicals!" But after the fifth go-round, it was more like, "[Lip-smacking sound]...What the...blecch."

Three PBRs and 60 minutes later, the verdict was in.

Unreal: No sensations to speak of.

Accountant: Numb cheeks and the urge to spit.

Lobbyist: Stared off in space for a moment. Looked almost wistful. Possibly had a flashback. "Damn," Subject Number Three finally piped up. "I was really hoping I'd be hooked — you know, that it'd be better than crack!"

Too BaBOOM! bad. 

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