VISIONARY: Joe Edwards, "mayor" of the Loop
CONCEPT: The Loop 2.0, the Riverfront Version

The Arch site is great, but woefully underutilized. Why not add some unique, owner-operated burger joints? What about some brewpubs, some live music venues? Why not add trolley access?

And for that matter, why doesn't someone come up with a theme to pull the whole thing together? The Loop didn't get chosen as one of the ten greatest streets in America without a plan. Walking along Delmar, visitors can learn about each of our eight unique planets. Well, if they're walking along the Loop 2.0, why not give them a history lesson about each of the world's great oceans?

Improve it or we'll move it, the Kroenke/Rosenbloom "Gateway to LA" 
Improve it or we'll move it, the Kroenke/Rosenbloom "Gateway to LA" vision.
Andrew Puzder's Angus beef-inspired ThickArch
Andrew Puzder's Angus beef-inspired ThickArch

What do oceans that have to do with St. Louis' riverfront? That's a dumb question. What does Uranus have to do with the Loop? Wait, don't answer that.

VISIONARY: TechJedi00, local Twitter user

All right, tweeples, it's time we do something about the Arch. Sure, a giant, shiny, metal thingamabob was probably really awesome back in 1967, but the world has changed. A lot. Seriously, for a generation born into a world of iPhones, Facebook and everything digital, nothing is more boring than a stationary hunk of metal. "Cool mom, thanks for bringing us here, but what does it do?" Well, the new and improved Arch would be equipped with monitors scrolling a real-time Twitter feed of hashtag #Arch. Now you can visit the shiny thingamabob and drop your own digital two cents into the dialogue. Think about the possibilities! Mrs. Brown's third grade class can let everyone know they were there. Somebody could drop an update on the Cardinals game. Heck, the truly nerdy could even pop the big question: @JulieT Will You Marry Me #Arch. It will happen. Tweetaholics 4life, w00t w00t!

VISIONARY: Larry Rice, pastor, New Life Evangelistic Center
CONCEPT: Tent City

Across this city, people are suffering from poverty, homelessness, addictions and abuse. God has moved us to action.

There's no better way for St. Louis to show that it's heeding the Lord's call than to take the Arch — the symbol of this city — and use it to help the people who are hurting the most. The new Tent City could house thousands of desperate St. Louisans. With convenient MetroLink access and God's fervent love, we could get them back on their feet and ready to live the life that their Creator intended.

VISIONARY: Paul Smith, Washington Avenue loft dweller
CONCEPT: Gateway to the East...Side

So, me and my buds totally know every bar on Washington. We go there, we pound Jäger, we pick up chicks.

But some nights I'm just not closing the deal. Everybody's got an off night, bro. So whaddaya do at 2 a.m.? You go to the East Side, baby! That's where all the fun is — on the other side of the fucking river!

Work with me here. It makes no sense that the Arch is stuck in Missouri. Our scene would be soooo much more happenin' if we just swung the Arch across the river. The Park Service wants to connect with East St. Louis? Dude, if we stuck one Arch foot in Illinois, we could just ride that Arch tram from one side to the other. What's more connected than that?

We could make the Arch tram a toll tram. Trust me, me and my bros would not mind ponying up another $1.50 to see those hos in Illinois. That's like, one-tenth of a lap dance. Total bonus for the taxpayers, bro. Total fucking bonus.

VISIONARY: Whittaker Homes, builder of New Town
CONCEPT: Arches Landing

Our plan for Arches Landing is a unified 40 blocks of color-coordinated arches surrounding the original Arch. We'd offer one-story, ranch-style arches, split-level arches and two-story arches in the popular "Colonial" style, all in tasteful pastel shades.

Each baby arch will feature ceramic tile in the kitchen, soaring vaulted ceilings, wood-burning fireplaces and a lot of cheap dry wall.

VISIONARY: Bill DeWitt III, president of the Cardinals and developer of Ballpark Village
CONCEPT: Arch Village

The Arch is antiquated. It has no luxury suites for high-flying corporate types. There's not enough concession space for pricey vendors. (A Good 'N Plenty ice-cream cart is just about it.) It lags far behind comparable attractions in other cities.

So why not start over? As long as the city offers $100 million in tax breaks, I'll build an all-new Arch. Just like my all-new Busch Stadium, New Arch will feature luxury boxes and the amenities that today's tourists demand, from a gelato stand to a roast-beef carving station.

Once the New Arch is finished, it would be an easy step to tear down the old Arch. We don't need two arches, people!

In place of the old Arch, I vow to build "Arch Village," which will provide St. Louis with plenty of new tax revenue in the form of office buildings, retail and perhaps even high-end housing.

Don't believe the cynics. Build New Arch, and Arch Village will come. We won't get stuck with a lousy parking lot on the once-revered Arch site. There's no way this plan will result in...nothing.

Trust me.

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