Readers are still talking about Suzanne Venker

FEATURE, MAY 26, 2011
MAMA DRAMA
The hand that rocks the cradle: I normally don't read the RFT because it is far too liberal for my taste ["The Feminine Mistake," Melissa Meinzer]. I literally walked right by it, but your cover story screamed out to me as I picked one up that someone else had left behind.

Your article on Suzanne Venker was on point! Feminism was an experiment that definitely has gone wrong, a bad joke played on the masses, and no one is laughing anymore. Mind you, we all have gifts, qualities and talents that must be put to use to energize our environment, and women must not be the shadow of a male and submit to the almighty "male boss." I would like to see women as complete and men as complete creatures of God, each with a purpose.

As to that purpose: Our children need nurturing in a bad way. There are only 24 hours in a day, and something is going to be left wanting — and this "Superwoman" wants to turn in her cape. It is now time to admit that no one person can be all things to all people and do everything. With headlines replete with tragedy after tragedy, the question becomes, "Who's minding the children?"

Remember, the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world. "Parent" is not just a noun — it is a verb, and hopefully after 50 years of this experiment gone bad, we'll do a 180. Look at my urban community with plenty of baby-mama drama going on.

By George, I think Mrs. Venker is on to something: the truth!
Karen Simmons

An echo, not a choice: I was completely appalled by the article "The Feminine Mistake" and the views of Suzanne Venker. It is insane that a woman with a college degree and such a family background feels the need to preach to other women on how they should live their lives. She has the audacity to assume what is fulfilling to her should be the same for all women around the world. This view is completely close-minded and lacking intelligence. And her opinion that women should not be in the workforce and would be perfectly happy staying at home and taking care of children for their fulfillment is absurd.

My mom stayed at home raising her ten kids for the last 30 years while my dad was the breadwinner. Now that all of the children are moving out of the house and growing up, my mom is back in school studying. She wants a career and time to learn and enjoy what education has to offer — raising ten children did not give her all the satisfaction she needed. She also went out and found a job that goes with her education. I have never seen my mother so happy and confident in herself. My mother depended on my dad for the last 30 years to bring home the money, and he did; he worked very hard for all of us. But now she has felt the accomplishments of providing for herself and her family. She loves it.

Venker says, "My job as a mother is how I define myself, and being a writer/pundit is secondary." This is not the case for every woman. Venker also said she grew up knowing that she wanted to be a mother, and more props to her. Other women grow up knowing they want to be doctors, artists, teachers, musicians, nurses, veterinarians — and then maybe mothers. None of these women are saying, "I am fulfilled as a doctor, so all women should be doctors, too." Who is Venker to assume what is best for all women and how they should be defined?

It is mothers like Venker who screw up their children into thinking this is how it should be for men and women. They are the people who grow up never gaining experience accomplishing goals because they are taught that they aren't supposed to do certain things due to the reproductive organs they have. There are many women who tried the domestic life and decided to raise their children alone because that is what makes them happy, or they stay married and find careers. If it weren't for society today and the choices we have, these women would stay in unhappy or in abusive marriages. Other women would stay unsatisfied as soon as their kids are grown because all that would be left is taking care of their husbands and vacuuming the floor.

Being an independent woman can be tough at times, but it is wonderful that we have the choice.
Jane Bourgeois, via the Internet

 
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12 comments
Alzari
Alzari

The above comment is probably someone who lets Oprah, a never-married, control freak, fat-ass lesbian with no family, kids, etc. tell her how to live her life which she has been doing for 30 years now. But a woman who hits her in the head with the TRUTH is vilified. Why? Is she a failed mother? Do her kids roam the streets in packs? Or is she single because her "career" got in the way of a real relationship? Wake up and smell the coffee, ladies! This mess out here is the fault of liberals and feminists who went out of their way to destroy American society. That's why American men are marrying Asian women by the millions (or haven't you noticed?) In another 50 years, nobody will want an American wife at all because they just don't get it!

Cinfeffappel
Cinfeffappel

I've got a college degree and I've worked as a professional outside the home and I've also been a stay at home mom. I've done both with pride and without regrets.

There has never been a day in either capacity that my son's welfare has not been top priority. It's not an either or. I've left the work force to put him first and I"ve worked jobs to put him first. When you are a divorced mom, as I was for several of his growing up years, you do what you got to do. You roll with the punches and just keep your priorities straight. Each family's circumstances are different and those circustmances can change at the drop of a dime. I think this war between women who stay at home and those who work, is stupid.

Cinfeffappel
Cinfeffappel

Also...there is no shame in a parent taking a lower paying job than their degree could be applied to if that job allows them hours to be home before school and when their child gets home from school, or is flexible so that you can be available to your child any time needed...

When you become a parent that is just part of things, if you have to work, you make salary sacrifices and maybe you don't work the profession you went to college for, but you make it all work for the welfare of your family.

Suzanne Venker
Suzanne Venker

To add as an example of what drives me (and it's not telling other people what to do):

This morning in the USA Today is an article about a Kaiser Family Foundation study that found "white" children use media 8 1/2 hours per day and "minority" kids 13 hours. That's not only shocking, it's life changing. This kind of upbringing changes the kind of people we create.

Researchers admit in this article: "Children may turn to media if their parents have especially demanding jobs that prevent engagement." This is but one dramatic example of the fallout of the two-income family.

Daniel
Daniel

So I assume you are in favor of the Government creating tax brakes and other assistance to families so that a parent can stay at home rather than go to work, as there are many families that need both incomes today. I further can assume from your comment you don't care which parent stays at home, as long as one does.

Suzanne Venker
Suzanne Venker

Yes and yes.

James Hodges
James Hodges

Some people don't seem to understand that all decisions, both good or bad, come with a price. You can sell out your children in the name of money... or you can forgo some of the money and secure your children. If you work hard and make good decisions, you can strike a balance and have both... but somewhere even that has a price.

There are certain sad situations that have unique circumstances to them, but most of them are a result of poor choices. Some of the cases are simply an issue of valuing money and things over the children. The worst cases are parent's who do not care about their children at all... or who don't want their children to excel beyond what they have done... because they are more narcissistic and (I've actually had people express this to me) fear if the child does, the child will look down their nose at them.

James Hodges
James Hodges

I'm not sure what your point is but... if you look at crime stats, a large number of people in jail:

A. Come from single parent homes.andB. 3/4 of them are there for drug related crimes.

It is very important for kids to have families that are whole and where parents give them the attention they need. One of the reasons you see an increase in gangs today is because gangs fill a void left by parental neglect.

The sad part is, gangs have a special place for your child... its called a cemetery.

James Hodges
James Hodges

Actually while there are people in jail who have been spanked, the jail's aren't filled with people who were spanked by their parents. You will find most people in jail weren't spanked at all... if anything they were neglected and after that more likely beaten.

Now if you go back and read what I have written I did not say anything about a "correlation between how many parents are in the home and a child being abused and neglected or not."

What I said was, "that a large number of people in jail come from single parent homes." And those stats have been researched the same way as the ones for drug related crimes have been researched.

Maybe you did "investigate child abuse cases in another state." But if the way you responded to what I wrote is any reflection with regard to the proficiency and understanding you used in that job then... I fear for the safety of children whose cases you investigated.

You will have to excuse me if I don't believe you. Amongst all the many things I have done in life, I been in the Marines and the Navy... and I have also spent many years working in correctional institutions.

With regard to your statement, "With things like RFT and the internet are providing so many opportunities for married men to stray in marriages...," Your comment is very revealing of your bias (just one more reason to fear for the safety of children whose cases you investigated). Such comments are typically leftist, feminist and are agenda driven. Why don't you make a more accurate statement like, "With things like RFT and the internet are providing so many opportunities for married men "AND WOMEN" to stray in marriages. Because that my friend... is the real truth.

Cinfeffappel
Cinfeffappel

Mr, Hodges...Also the jails are filled with people who were spanked by their parents..are you saying that has caused issues as well? Then lets take a cruisade against spanking, I'm all for that.

I use to investigate child abuse cases in another state and found there to be NO correlation between how many parents are in the home and a child being abused and neglected or not. Absolutely none. My worse cases had both parents in the home when I think about it.. Thing is that I'm wise enough never to assume that means anything..

Be careful that if you take the time to publically write something like what you posted, you know what you are talking about. There are many, many law abiding and moral people who were raised in single parent families...more so than who have ended up in jails.

Remember...just because the sale of ice cream and crime rate goes up in July, doesn't mean that one causes the other.

Working moms or stay at home moms, one parent families or 2 parent families, you do what you got to do and your kids can still be top priority if you want them to be.

With things like RFT and the internet are providing so many opportunities for married men to stray in marriages through encouraging their sex addictions that now plague our society...many women are having to be single parents if they want to be or not...having both parents dying of aides because of what the man brings home is not going to be help the kids either...Believe me...it's happening even in Republican households...

Suzanne Venker
Suzanne Venker

I fear I'll never be able to get across to the public how media works. These two letters demonstrate precisely why the media love this issue: it's as divisive as abortion, perhaps more so. Makes for good copy.

Ms. Bourgeois: I would love for you to find any direct quote from me -- either from this article or from my books -- in which I say, "women should not be in the workforce" or where I write what is best for all women.

I do, however, write about what's best for children -- and on that subject, I do not equivocate. And there are plenty of goals people of both sexes can reach throughout their lives while not being dismissive of their children's needs. As Karen Simmons points out, our country is in desperate need of parents who are willing to rock the cradle themselves.

renee_rieder
renee_rieder

Suzanne, children need their parents, not just their mother. Men can stay home with the children as well as women. Both parents should be willing to make a sacrifices regarding their careers when they have children. Not just the female.

 
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