The 2011 Unreal News Challenge

14. Which of the following was not an actual bill proposed in the Missouri Legislature this year?
A. Makes it a crime for doctors to perform surgery or any other medical procedure while drunk.
B. Repeals all existing child-labor laws.
C. Requires that all Missouri driver's license tests be administered in English.
D. Allows more people to carry guns into the Capitol.
E. None of the above; all of these bills were proposed.

15. According to the St. Louis County Medical Examiner, what was the official manner and cause of the December 2010 death of August Busch IV's girlfriend, Adrienne Martin?
A. A broken heart.
B. Accidental oxycodone intoxication.
C. Food poisoning from a bad batch of Chelada, an Anheuser-Busch/InBev product that combines Bud Light and Clamato.
D. A cocaine overdose.

16. Where did St. Louis mayor Francis Slay spend the Great Snowpocalypse of 2011?
A. On an eastbound train from Albuquerque, after his flight home got canceled.
B. At his desk in city hall, where he had vowed to remain until all danger had passed.
C. In a bunker in his back yard, where he'd laid in a kerosene lantern, a butane stove and several hundred pounds of ramen noodles and canned food.
D. On the beach in Montego Bay.
E. Blogging away at mayorslay.com.

17. What convention deeply offended residents of Fairview Heights this past spring?
A. Ecto Con (a Ghostbusters tribute from the people who brought you the Bishie Con yaoi convention).
B. Bouchercon (mystery and crime fiction).
C. Beat Me in St. Louis (sponsored by the BDSM club, STL3).
D. National Taxidermists Association.

18. What use has University of Missouri researcher James Perfield found for the seeds of the bastard poon tree?
A. Increasing male potency.
B. Reducing belly fat.
C. Increasing longevity.
D. A super multivitamin.
E. Improving the odor of flatulence.

19. In March the city of Hazelwood busted "a high-volume commodities business" two residents were operating out of their home. What were they selling?
A. Knitted winter hat and glove sets.
B. Cupcakes.
C. Girl Scout cookies.
D. Meth.

20. Which of the following films starred former Parkway North science teacher Tera Myers, a.k.a. Rikki Anderson?
A. Anal Cravings 13.
B. In Through the Out Door 7.
C. Neither.
D. Both.

21. Which of the following was retained from the original Prop B when Governor Nixon signed the Canine Cruelty Prevention Act into law in April?
A. Dogs must be fully examined by vets instead of just looked at.
B. Owners of dog-breeding facilities can no longer stack their animals' cages.
C. Any facility housing more than 50 dogs must use Purina products exclusively.
D. All dogs must have at least 30 minutes of exercise per day once they turn one month old.

22. Washington University invited Bristol Palin to speak and then rescinded its invitation. What was to have been the topic of Palin's speech?
A. How to kill and field-dress a moose.
B. Abstinence.
C. The need for better sex education in our schools.
D. Why Levi Johnston is a total douche.
E. How to profit from your famous parent.

Match the local sports personality with the reason he was arrested (though not necessarily charged with a crime) in 2011:
23. Mizzou football coach Gary Pinkel.
24. Former NFL running back Laurence Maroney.
25. Cardinals broadcaster Dan McLaughlin.
26. Former NBA player Darius Miles.

A. Drinking and driving (his second such arrest).
B. Trying to get a loaded gun past security at Lambert St. Louis International Airport.
C. Driving with marijuana and guns in his vehicle.
D. Drinking and driving (his first such arrest).

27. What was the fatal flaw in a group of hipster anarchists' graffiti campaign against security cameras on Cherokee Street last spring?
A. A resident was able to identify the group's leader owing to his distinctive facial hair.
B. Their tags were legible.
C. They were caught in the act — by a security camera.
D. The plan went off without a hitch; the hipsters are still at large.

28. What the hell happened to St. Louis Cardinals manager Tony La Russa's face? (see pic: http://blogs.riverfronttimes.com /dailyrft/2011/04/tony_la_russa_face_pinkeye.php)
A. Poison ivy.
B. Shingles.
C. Cat scratch fever.
D. Line drive fouled into the dugout.
E. Allergic reaction to his transition lenses.

29. What caused a decline in meth-lab busts in Carter County under the stewardship of Sheriff Tommy Adams?
A. That new pseudoephedrine database really works!
B. The "shake-and-bake" method has become more widespread and less detectable.
C. Adams was a meth user and distributor.
D. More and more meth cookers are shifting to marijuana husbandry, which is far safer.

30. Which of the following did not happen to Missouri lieutenant governor Peter Kinder this year?
A. He had to pay back the state the $35,000 in public funds he'd spent on hotel bills.
B. His car got torched.
C. A former Penthouse Pet revealed that Kinder had hit on her years earlier, when she worked as a stripper on the East Side.
D. Kinder would like to forget 2011 as quickly as possible and hopes Missourians will do the same, especially since he's running for reelection in 2012.

31. What did state senator Maria Chappelle-Nadal call her fellow minority politicians who agreed with financier Rex Sinquefield that the city of St. Louis, and not the state of Missouri, should govern the St. Louis Metropolitan Police Department?
A. "Sinquefield's Sycophants."
B. "House slaves."
C. "Traitors."
D. "Douches."

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2 comments
joeschmoe
joeschmoe

So, when are the results going to be published?

ppilch
ppilch

a waste of time. the 99% need to work to support the 1%.

 
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