The Ten Weirdest Members of Congress

Slideshow: The 10 Weirdest Members of Congress

By just about any measure, Congress is at its lowest point in history. Only 9 percent of the country has a favorable view of the 535 men and women who make up the bicameral body. One poll even revealed that they're less popular than cockroaches, traffic jams and that ultimate barometer of public repulsion, Nickelback.

Why such unhappiness? Because our legislators rarely resemble human beings. When the main job requirements are boasting, begging for money and possessing the moral elasticity to promise anything to anyone, only narcissists and sociopaths need apply.

But within the cast of America's longest-running reality show, some manufacture a weirdness that soars above the rest. Meet the ten members of Congress who are setting new records for creepiness and depravity.

Slideshow: The 10 Weirdest Members of Congress


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10. Ted Cruz (R-Texas)
Protecting America's Golf Courses From an International Conspiracy

In just about any other state, Ted Cruz would be mumbling for spare change outside a Dollar General store. In Texas, he's a U.S. senator.

Cruz has been called the "intellectual voice of the Tea Party," a laurel on par with being the valedictorian of a carjacking ring. He's been known to brag that, as Texas state solicitor, he once nullified the divorce of two gay men. His biggest campaign applause line comes with the boast of how he had a man sentenced to death.

But it's Cruz's Agenda 21 conspiracy theory that sets him apart.

Agenda 21 is the kind of feel-good plan that's made the United Nations a model of ineffectiveness for nearly 70 years. It's a vaguely worded, non-binding, 300-page resolution that reads like a fifth-grader's wish list for a better world. (Combat poverty! Prevent deforestation!)

The measure is so innocuous that known radical George H. W. Bush signed on in 1992, as did the heads of 178 other countries. Since then, it's been largely forgotten. Except by Cruz.

As he sees it, Agenda 21 is actually a conspiracy led by liberal financier George Soros to rob honest Americans of their property rights — two words sure to induce Pavlovian terror in anyone living west of the Mississippi.

Cruz claims Agenda 21 is a "globalist" plan to forcibly relocate rural Americans into urban "hobbit homes," which are too small for necessities like a still or a firing range. He also believes it will lead to the abolishment of paved roads and golf courses, threats scientifically proven to unbolt the wallets of Republican donors.

A Princeton debate champion with a law degree from Harvard, Cruz has yet to provide any evidence of the plot. Which should make him a force in the Iowa GOP primary come 2016.


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9. Alan Grayson (D-Florida)
The Loudest of the Loudmouths

In a town full of bluster, no one blows harder than Florida Congressman Alan Grayson, a Category 5 hurricane of bombast.

A trial lawyer who specialized in contractor fraud, Grayson burst onto the scene after winning election in 2008 as the loudest critic of the Iraq War. The Democrat was funny, clever and had a way with words you might expect of someone who made his living convincing juries to give him money.

Yet as righteous as that original cause may have been, he soon earned a reputation as the biggest contributor to the partisan firefight disabling Washington, resulting in his being the only Democrat nominated for this list by members of his own party.

Of former vice president Dick Cheney, Grayson once said: "I have trouble listening to what he says sometimes because of the blood that drips from his teeth while he's talking."

On another occasion, he noted that "scientists have studied this difficult question of why some people have a conscience and some people don't. Some people are called Democrats, and some people are called Republicans."

Grayson also referred to a female adviser to the Federal Reserve as a "K Street whore." His opponents, meanwhile, are best known as "foot-dragging, knuckle-dragging Neanderthals."

But while he may be more artful of tongue than the average politician, he shares his colleagues' gift for situational ethics when the going gets tough.

In 2010, for example, he was on the verge of losing his seat in central Florida to Republican challenger Daniel Webster. That's when the anti-war Grayson trotted out the go-to smear of tin patriots everywhere. He released a campaign commercial referring to Webster as a draft dodger who didn't love his country.

Webster, it turns out, had been rejected for military service on medical grounds during the Vietnam War. But to Grayson, this meant his opponent was practically a terrorist. He began referring to Webster as "Taliban Dan."

Grayson lost that election, and Washington got a little less breezy. But the winds resumed last fall when he won a newly drawn seat centered in Clearwater, Florida. Among his first acts was to coin a new term for Republicans: the "bath salts caucus."

Like all Grayson one-liners, it was funny and even contained a kernel of truth. But it wasn't particularly helpful in getting members of Congress to put down their plastic swords and do something useful for the country.


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8. Scott DesJarlais (R-Tennessee)
The Anti-Abortion Zealot With a Running Tab at Planned Parenthood

Scott DesJarlais, a family doctor from the outback of Tennessee, is stridently pro-life, known for his righteous denunciations of abortion and adultery.

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12 comments
kalutoganiq
kalutoganiq

I'm not sure how you compile a list of "crazy congressmen" without Hank Johnson (he of "islands can capsize" fame) and Peter King (the man who holds hearings on domestic support for terror while repeatedly refusing to recant decades of support for the Provisional IRA).

locomotivebreath1901
locomotivebreath1901

I would have thought whack-a-doodle Hank Johnson(D-Ga.), who believes too many Marines on Guam would cause the island to 'tip over,' would at least be number 5 on this list. Cynthia McKinney(D-Ga.) served in that state's whack-a-doodle capacity before Hank got his turn.

And botox San Fran Nan Pelosi should be number two on this list with moron statements like 'Food Stamps and Unemployment Give ‘Biggest Bang for Our Buck,’ in reference to revving up our economic engine.

Or panty wearing pederast Harry Reid's(D-NV) demagogic diarrhea spews on the Senate floor proclaiming 'he knows a guy' that knows a guy that thinks Mitt Romney cheats on his taxes.

Yet, the author of this fluff believes Congress critters who think murdering the unborn is wrong are 'weird?'

Take another bong hit, Caleb.

JamesMadison
JamesMadison topcommenter

I nominate Rep. Major Owens (D-NY)- sharks still following the old slave traders voyage routes.

JamesMadison
JamesMadison topcommenter

"She's claimed that hundreds of scientists and Nobel Prize winners support intelligent design"

Can you prove her wrong? Out of the billions of people on the Earth, and millions who are scientists, don't you think a few hundred might be religious? Bigotry comes in all colors and creeds. To deny billions who are believers is foolish. As far as Nobel Prize winners go... REVEREND Tutu comes to mind. Mother Teresa seemed to be a believer as well as a Nobel Prize winner. Does the RFT need a listing of all the Nobel prize winners? Sadat, Arafat were believers.

Apparently, some crazy journalists work at the RFT commenting on their padded cell roommates.

citizen
citizen

I like how you threw in a couple Democrats to make the intent and content of this article appear non-partisan.

RAMESSES
RAMESSES

There should be more sleaze bag congressmen add to his list starting with the #1 scum bag of all time, Alycee Hastings, D FL - disgraced judge who served time in prison for bribery. He's a disgusting piece of shit. Then there is that god awful excuse of a human being, Bobby Rush, D IL. He's not only more goofy and stupid than our past piece of shit congressman Russ Carnahan, D MO, he's a former Black Panther, a fascist group the Nixon Justice Department should have exterminated. Then there is the most obxnoxious fat Jew pig, Sen. Schumer, D NY. He gives Jews a bad name. He's so fat that pork chops would come flying out of his ass is someone hugged him.  He gives liberals a bad name. And last but not least is Debbie Wasserman-Cunt, D FL. She gives cunts a bad name. There are many others that could have made this list but these are the worst of the worst. With these people running things there should be little wonder why things are so fucked up in Washington.

smdrpepper
smdrpepper topcommenter

So happy that Florida has finally rid itself of Alan West, the one person possibly crazier than Bachmann.

JamesMadison
JamesMadison topcommenter

Never underestimate Maxine Waters to open her mouth. How many jobs? Once again? Come on, please tell us, again.

JamesMadison
JamesMadison topcommenter

@citizen , "appear" is the only thing they attempted to do with their token democrats. Let's face it, there are crazy people on both sides the aisle, and some real loonies on the extreme left and right.

Katydid52
Katydid52

@RAMESSES OMG, thank you. I almost spit out my dinner over Debbie Wasserman - etc. That was awesome.

 
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