The Gaucho's Lament: A churrascaria aficionado gets wind of Brazikat — and weeps

Slideshow: Inside Brazikat Brazilian

The Gaucho's Lament: A churrascaria aficionado gets wind of Brazikat — and weeps
Jennifer Silverberg
A skewer of Brazikat's picanha, a traditional Brazilian cut of beef.

It was bitterly cold when I leftBrazikat Brazilian Steak & Seafood House, and I wanted nothing more than to retire to the warmth of my living room, a glass of bourbon in hand, my faithful dog curled at my feet. So preoccupied was I with this scenario that I didn't notice the old man standing in my path. I write "standing," but truly, he was hunched forward at the waist, and that only with great effort. What's more, his shoulders were stooped and his head curled so that he appeared to be studying a spot at the center of his sunken chest.

He looked like nothing so much as a living comma splicing the darkness. He wore a red vest over a black shirt. The flared cuffs of his black gaucho pants revealed that he wore no socks under his dress shoes, which themselves were poor specimens, the leather cracked, the soles uneven. A miasma of mesquite smoke lingered about his person.

"I'm sorry," I said out of habit. "I don't have any cash."

Mixologist Rich Thierry making The Pomegranate. Slideshow: Inside Brazikat Brazilian
Jennifer Silverberg
Mixologist Rich Thierry making The Pomegranate. Slideshow: Inside Brazikat Brazilian
Brazikat in Clayton next to The Ritz in Clayton. Slideshow: Inside Brazikat Brazilian
Jennifer Silverberg
Brazikat in Clayton next to The Ritz in Clayton. Slideshow: Inside Brazikat Brazilian

Location Info

Map

Brazikat Brazilian Steak & Seafood House

172 Carondelet Plaza
St. Louis, MO 63105

Category: Restaurant > Brazilian

Region: Clayton

Details

Brazikat Brazilian Steak & Seafood House
"Feast of Meats" (per person) $39.95
"Seafood Feast" (per person) $49.95
"Surf n' Feast" (per person) $59.95

Slideshow: Inside Brazikat Brazilian

172 Carondelet Plaza, Clayton; 314-727-1007. Hours: 11 a.m.-10 p.m. Mon.-Thu., 11 a.m.-midnight Fri., 4-11 p.m. Sat., 4-10 p.m. Sun. (Bar open till 11 p.m. Mon.-Thu., 1 a.m. Fri-Sat.)

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"I do not want or need your charity. Indeed, I have something to give you."

I saw now that in his hands — skeletal, palsied — he held some papers, three or four sheets ripped from a loose-leaf notebook. These he pressed into my own hands, saying, "Take these and read. If you think my story worth sharing, do so. But soon. There is not much time."

Should I have politely accepted the papers, folded them into my pocket, dismissed them as the ravings of a madman? Perhaps. But curiosity has always gotten the better of me, and as I walked back to my car, by the light of my cell phone, I began to read.

Even before I finished the first of his pages, I knew I must go back and find the strange old man. But by the time I returned to where I'd seen him, he had gone. The only trace was the faint scent of mesquite, now just a warm hint in the icy wind. And then I saw, beyond the restaurant, at the far end of the street, dancing along in the whipping winter wind, an empty pair of black gaucho pants.

Those were his pants. This is his story.

So very far have I traveled from the Serras de Sudeste, where as a child I gamboled with my older brothers over the rolling grasslands, weaving paths amid the pleasant, docile cattle (though not their omnipresent dung), while my mother patrolled the herd, proud, regal, on horseback, as her father and his father before him had done. (My own father chased the rumor of fugitive Nazi war criminals into the rainforest and was never seen or heard from again.)

I thought myself destined for a life on the pampas; indeed, when I came of age and my mother presented me with my very own pair of gaucho pants, I wept with joy. Yet fate had something else in store for me: a woman, a beautiful tourist from America who caught my eye and then, as we lay beside a roaring campfire, while the cattle lowed in eerie unison, perhaps at the majesty of the evening, or perhaps because I was roasting the rump of one of their brethren on a spit above the campfire, captured my heart.

She told me not to follow her back to the United States, yet I could not resist her ravishing red hair and muscular buttocks. When I called her from the airport, she said she couldn't see me...she had a husband, our time together had been nothing more than a fling. I wandered the terminal in despair. I had no money. I had nothing but the clothes on my back (including my beloved gaucho pants) and a copy of the in-flight magazine. I paged through this out of desperation, and there I found fate's true message: an ad for Fogo de Chao, a churrascaria.

Thus began my long career as a waiter in Brazilian steak houses, where thanks to my skill with the blade and my ease of manner with guests, I came to be known simply as the Gaucho. I traveled this great country from coast to coast, helping to open new churrascarias, instructing novices in the Way of the Gaucho (and bedding the occasional hostess). Even as time caught up with me, as my gaucho pants sagged around my ever-frailer form, I could not resist my calling — which is how I came to Clayton, Missouri, in November of last year to help open this Brazikat. The owner, Sam Barakat, owns a churrascaria in Valparaiso, Indiana, but I thought my experience could benefit his establishment.

I did not know the half of it.

Where to begin? With what I know the best: the Way of the Gaucho. The young would-be gauchos at Brazikat are not swordsmen. They banter about their ninja-like prowess, but one cuts a piece of top sirloin so clumsily that the entire hunk of meat falls from the skewer onto the diner's plate, splashing its juice on the table. Another has a knife so dull that he can't separate a single pork rib from its rack and abandons his work, telling the diner, "Why don't you just take the whole thing."

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9 comments
nick
nick

taste like my dick

lindamayen12
lindamayen12

I have been to Brazikat several times since it opened, and each time I was happier than the previous visit.  Service was a little slow initially, however, has come a long way since then.   The wide variety of meats and sea food offered great flavor and were complimented by assorted Brazilian sides.  It was a great night out for all our friends and we have plans on going back next week.


gonzomurphy
gonzomurphy

It's such a shame.  First Brasilians do not spell their county's name with a "z".  That was my first clue this was not going to be good before I even read the review.  Second, it's in St. Louis which after 13 years of living here has never had a proper churrascaria.  Maybe I've been spoiled by my trips to Porto Alegre and Sao Paulo over the last 6-7 years, but the meat should be cooked simply with only charcoal and salt and attention.  It's not meant to be smoked, but rather braised and cooked in its own juices and its own flavor.  If this cannot be done, then the rest of the experience doesn't matter, but the descriptions of the other items would enrage a true Brasilian to commit arson.  It's a disgrace.  


The only Brasilian restaurant that's worth a damn is Yemanja Brasil and is owned by Brasilians who care about their food, their culture, and their way of life.  Alas it is more country cooking (think Bahia) than a churrascaria, but the caipirinhas and feijoada can't be beat on our hottest summer day.  Coco Loco, while run by Brasilians, is also terrible and the caipirinhas are a travesty.  I don't understand how it stays in business, especially when the owner seems more fond of punching cars than putting out a plate of honest to goodness Brasilian delights.


It's such a shame we can't seem to do the basics here.  I think if the focus was on being authentic, putting out excellent food, and pricing it correctly (40 bucks for garbage?!?!) then we'd have a winner.  Unfortunately, I have to wait for my next trip and 16 hours worth layovers and looking out my window seat.

amynab
amynab

@gonzomurphyI am sincerely confused by this commentary.  I visited Bazikat when it first opened and twice more since then.  I don't recall eating any garbage there.  I had the typical Clayton dining experience that I expected.  The gauchos were great, and some even mentioned to us that they were Brazilian and appeared to be proud to be a part of this establishment.   I loved the food and the seafood was better than any other sea food offered in other restaurants, and $40 was a bargain compared to other eateries in Clayton.  Of course, I am no expert in Brazilian cuisine as gonzomurphy.  I assume he will be opening his own Brasilian cafe complete with all the ethnic cuisine he describes, since he has more knowledge of  "Brasil" than anyone else in town.    I look forward to dining in his establishment that is sure to be a success,  given that he has all the knowledge of the basics.

acesmomc
acesmomc

I have to agree with Master Froeb on this review. While I thought the servers were nice the food was very disappointing. Probably, the memorable experience of dining in a brazilian steakhouse in downtown Memphis had my hopes way too high for this steakhouse. Sorry to say I will not return for another visit.

brdig
brdig

Funny!    (And very, very sad...)

Like the other so-called Churrascaria's that have come and gone in St. Louis, serving crappy meat on swords does not make a place Brazilian any more than using tomato sauce (ketchup?) makes Fazoli's Italian!!! 

Visiting Memphis a few years back, had a couple amazing meals at Tejas de Brasil. Great quality meats, consistently well prepared, and an outstanding selection of tasty (and appropriate) side dishes and salads.

Would love to see something of similar quality in St. Louis.  Guess I'm still waiting....

julie.brown.8000
julie.brown.8000

Jerry Barakat had a Gaucho's in Little Rock, AR, and has also tried his hand at several other restaurants there. The food at the Little Rock location was...not so good.

bababa
bababa

Hahahaha. Well done.


This place is true and utter garbage. I had the misfortune of being treated to a meal here a few months ago. It is sooo laughably bad. Bacana Brazil was way way better, which is not saying much. Please do not waste your money on this trash.

lindamayen12
lindamayen12

@bababa Given that you had such a "bad" experience, I am sure they are happy you will not be returning.  Perhaps you should try the "cafe" at Wal-mart, as it may be more suited to your liking.  Your writing style obviously dictates that this type of cuisine would be more appealing to you, but good luck finding someone to "treat" you there.

 
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