"On both of my visits, the guacamole was fair; avocados were ripe and creamy, and the sprinkling of cotija cheese was a fun way to provide seasoning (maybe a bit too much seasoning in this case). Although the guacamole was fairly salty, it was otherwise pretty bland, lacking spice and zip. I am surprised at how little kick the generous amount of jalapeños, onions and poblanos added"
So, you like that they seasoned with cotija cheese, but you didn't like that it was salty, despite the fact that cotija is a very salty cheese. Also, even though it was too salty for your delicate palate, it was also too bland. Because that totally makes sense. You wish there had been more kick from the peppers, but, despite being impressed with the tableside preparation, you didn't ask the server to add any more pepper when s/he asked you to try it and tell him/her if it was appropriately seasoned, which I'm sure s/he did because they have every one of the 5 times I have been there. Your review of every other taco is equally absurd, you didn't try any of their innovative and tasty cocktails beyond their basic margarita, you didn't comment on the local beer list, and you didn't try anything on the menu other than chips, guac, and tacos.
You obviously decided to do a hatchet job before you'd walked into the place, but you would have to write a lot better than this for it to come across as anything but a pathetic attempt at gravitas. Where's Ian Froeb?